Okay so this is taking the piss now. What the fuck is with the fucking fucked up dreams????????
Aaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh! I can't sleep. My dreams are right royally messed up and it's driving me demented. And what's worse is the dreams are of people that I haven't seen in years which drags up a lot of history stuff that I don't really want dragging up. And I'm on lates so I don't even need to be up at 5.57am for the last two days running. Pissin' sun waking up so god damn early! Argh!
Subsequently I'm snappy at the kids and can't be arsed at work and just don't want to be there. Yes I'm having a work crisis but to be fair I've been having that on and off for the last four years, so that's not exactly new.
But really, how many new scenarios are there where I can have my teeth fall out on me. (This is one of the recurring dream themes, yet the scenarios are always slightly different.) I realise I have latent teeth trauma issues but really that was over a month ago and it's all healed and I'm fine, well, except for the paranoia and constant feeling that they're all gonna crumble on me.
Not even the strict regime of brushing, flossing and mouth wash seems to be enough anymore. But what the hell else can I do? I know most of it is psychological, but really psychology sucks! Piss off mind. Piss off subconscious thoughts. Just piss off and let me sleep!
And it's not just the new and ingenious ways for all my teeth to leave me, it's random guilt trips and uncomfortable situations. What ever happened to good dreams? What ever happened to waking up and having a whole songs worth of lyrics in my head or a new story idea. Well I guess I could probably knock something together in the way of teeth horror fiction, but I'm not sure how well that would go down.
Anyhoo, sleep grumpiness aside, I now have the added stress (self-induced of course) of a bake sale at work to raise money for my charity half marathon. Mainly because none of the parents have sponsored me yet and I want to bribe them with sweet things. (Works with their kids....)
Would you like a scowl with that cake? 'Cause that's all you're gonna get!
I've just lost the patience to be overly nice anymore. I can't seem to do it. I can't seem to make small talk with the parents anymore. I just don't know what to say. Well today I'll be saying, "Buy a cake, Buy a cake, get down to Helen Richards' bake sale. Buy a cake" (To the tune of Buy a bike - Charnock Richards Cycles jingle. Okay only Northerners specifically from the North West will get this one. Oh and it's no relation.)
They'd better bloody buy something after all the crap I put up with. That's literal and metaphorical crap!
When I told some of them that I was having a bake sale, you'd have thought I'd pissed on their shoes or something. Honestly, It's not like I'm force feeding them sugar. And ideally I would like the parents to eat them anyway. They're much more likely to enjoy and savour a cake or biscuit of mine, rather than shove it in in one go or let half of it fall on the floor. Besides, most of them are sent in with croissants and all kinds of shit in a morning. Nutella on toast, chocolate croissants. The best one was the child who used to come in with an ice cream every morning, because it was the only way they could get her out of the house.......Really? Yet they look at me as though I'm ready with the pliers to just jerk those teeth right out. Which if they had any idea of the dreams I've been having lately, they wouldn't be thinking at all.
(Sigh). And so to the saving grace of yesterday. The verdict is in and I'm apparently not an alien. Here is a conversation between two of my 4 years olds at the tea table:
J "Helen. Can I have some more soup?"
H "Yes of course. One second."
Ju "Helen. I want some more water."
I'm currently pouring out the soup for the other child.
Ju "Helen I want some more water."
H "Okay I heard you."
Ju "I still want some more water."
H "Ju, you can see I am already doing something. You have to wait. I only have one pair of hands."
Z "Yeah Ju. She's not an alien."
So there you have it. Proof that I am of this world, if only for my lack of more than two arms. He he. Made me laugh anyway.
Well, my final batch of cookies should be ready any minute now and then I have to cart four lots of cake tins and boxes with me to work. That'll put me in a fabulous mood!
Anyhoo. Fingers crossed for generous parents and pleasant dreams!
Happy Wednesday. At least it's the middle of the week. Getting closer to that all important bank holiday Monday. Whoop!