Tuesday, October 2, 2018

A Little Bit Of Self Sabotage Goes A Long Way.

How the feck is it October? Sorry, I mean, hi Rants readers. But seriously, how is it October? September was supposed to be submission September. I coined the term myself - that's probably not true, but in my head it was - and I was pleased with the alliteration. However, September has come and gone and I have not made another submission yet. Mainly because I decided to re-write half the book when I should have just been writing synopses.

Ah, self sabotage. Turns out I'm really good at it. I set myself a target and as that approaches, instead of knuckling down and pulling all-nighters and killing myself for that self-made deadline, I just let it fritter away. I decide I hate everything and let the doubt donkey in - see my blog: The Donkey, Monsters and The Jumping Snake, from 18/7/13 for more information on the doubt donkey. And I know I can't write a synopsis, and that's why I do this every pissing time, but just deciding everything is crap and ignoring it is never going to get this sodding book finished and submitted. I really know how to make myself angry.

I tried reading lots of blog posts and advice on writing synopses. I also wrote three or four and started editing them, but then two days later thought they were the biggest pile of drivel I'd ever read. I swear my will power used to be much stronger and that I used to be able to tell the doubt donkey to kindly fuck himself, but recently it's like he's in control and it's annoying to say the least. Sometimes I wish a giant would come and pick me up and shake all this nonsense out of me and then I would have more belief in myself, but alas I think that option is unlikely.

It's true that once one thing in your life is going well, other things are going to fall apart dramatically, it's just sad that it has to be my writing, or more precisely, my own belief in my writing ability, that had to be the one to take a hit. Italian classes are going well. Most of my music classes are going well and therefore, my submissions are at a standstill. I write myself lists and do everything on the list but completing a synopsis. I am sabotaging myself and it has to stop!

On another completely unrelated note, I started watching Killing Eve last night and it's amazing! The writing is spectacular and the cast is phenomenal. It is always a delight to recognise fantastic writing within a TV programme. Also, if you're not already watching Atypical on Netflix, go for it, it's brilliant. But I can safely say the Season 2 finale is complete with one of the best rants ever! Paige's rage is superbly written and acted.

Well, I should probably be writing synopses but instead I'm writing this. And now I'm hungry. Maybe I'll just grab an early lunch. But wait, there I go again. Self sabotage.