I shouldn't complain, but............

As the title suggests, I shouldn't complain, but then if I didn't complain and rant, then I wouldn't be able to call myself Rants of a bitter northerner, or a Brit, or a woman. And besides, sometimes you just have to.

Bond - Oh Dear!
So I am currently reading my first ever Bond novel. That's James Bond, 007, Licence to Kill, brought to life by Ian Fleming and a British institution. I took Live and Let Die out of the library and was quite excited to get going on it, being brought up on Bond films, since a young age as every bank holiday weekend they would show at least two of them, and my mum and dad loved them. I mean, come on, who doesn't?

But oh dear. I mean, you often forget when they were written - this one 1954 - especially with the modern Bond films incorporating more women in lead roles - Dame Judi Dench for instance, as M - and not just "Bond girls" there for his amusement. Also, there is more diversity in the characters, people of different nationalities etc. But then you read one of the novels and you physically cringe. The amount of sexism, racism and presumably lots of other isms that are used is hideously cringe worthy and anger inducing.

Women are nothing but play things and objects to look at or sleep with, and most nationalities are written about with disgust and ignorance and general stereotypes. And yes Mr Fleming can be defended by saying that was 60 years ago and times were different, but I was still shocked by the use of a word I will never use in print or otherwise - if you've read this book you'll probably know what I mean, and if not you'll just have to guess because I'm not writing it - as it featured so heavily especially in the opening few chapters.

But, I will say that it is well written, has good pace and a certain addictive quality, despite my feminism and racism alarm sounding frequently. And I find Bond to be way less womanising and sleazy. In fact they give him a lot of very human feelings in the book. He shows fear and sweats in his sleep and really cares for his colleagues. I think in this respect perhaps the recent Daniel Craig films pull it off best, making him much more real and rounded.

Cake Vs Music Class
Okay, so I'm used to being made to feel like a slight inconvenience when I teach in some of my schools. Its part of the job I guess. Teachers don't like you going into their classroom and the kids really enjoying their time with you. They also don't like the slight disruption to their daily routine - heaven forbid there should be some flexibility in their days - even though it's not really a disruption any more when it's written into the Wednesday schedule and I've been going for 18 months.

And I've had to compete with all sorts of obstacles, such as outside play, releasing butterflies - yes this did actually happen - and Easter egg hunts. At these times I am once again made out to be the cruel person who is keeping the children from these things, when it should be more like I'm the nice person coming in to give them a music class, something not everyone in the class gets to do. Woo hoo! But no, they schedule all these things to coincide with the lesson and then I have to deal with the wandering kids who just want to hunt Easter eggs, or play in the ice - this was when it was really hot a couple of weeks ago.

So yesterday was a new challenge: Birthday Cake. One of the children was having a birthday and also her last day at the nursery, so I walk in at 10.30 to do my class and I find them all sitting down singing happy birthday, ready to have cake - At 10.30! Feeding kids cake! At 10.30! - when they know it's music class because I've already been in the nursery an hour teaching two other classes.

I walk in and all the children say hello and all the staff ignore me. I go and sit on the carpet and they still ignore me. They are cutting up cake to give out to the children, whereas the usual policy is to send cake home in case anyone has allergies or doesn't want their kid hyped up on sugar at 10.30 in the morning. Anyhoo, I have to ask if I can start the class and of course it's all shrugs and sighs - again, what an inconvenience I am - and then we have to prise the first group of children from the table because they want to have cake with everyone else.

Not fair. I shouldn't have to compete with sugar and sponge cake. I shouldn't have to compete with anything. I'm providing a service, a service paid for by the parents of the children, and I should be supported not hindered. Fuckin' cake. Luckily there were only a couple of irritable kids, the rest really enjoyed my class because they knew they would be given cake afterwards, and of course, they love music class. Of course. It's awesome!

Baby cards - Enough of the freakin' gender colours.
This is an issue I know I have brought up before in a rant, but as more and more of my friends are reproducing, I know this will continue to be an issue and something that really riles me up.

Some friends of mine have just had a baby girl, I wanted to get a card to congratulate them, but I hate pink and under no circumstances will buy a card with pink on. Now that is my choice, I understand that, but the fact that the only options you get are pink or blue then this is not only assigning gender to colours, which I hate, but it is once again society throwing the idea of pink and girls and femininity down our throats. Babies should be able to be brought up without the pink or blue bubbles around them. They are little people and should be exposed to all colours and ideas and concepts. No colours are girlish, no colours are boyish, they are just freakin colours!

Unfortunately, the cheaper card shops just have the pink and the blue sections, so I wrote them off early on. Paperchase is usually my saviour as they tend to have a pink and a blue section, but then also a section called 'new baby', which unfortunately removes the gender of the child, but at least offers more colour choice. I mean, why can't you buy a beautiful blue card or red card or green card that says 'congratulations on the birth of your daughter'? What the feck? Or a pink card that says 'congratulations a new baby boy?'

I have in the past bought blank art cards that happened to have nice pictures on, like a rainbow, or a caterpillar, and given them as birth cards as I've been so disgusted with the choice on offer. But I did manage to find a nice one in the 'new baby' section - I found a few nice ones actually - that is black and white with an elephant on it, and the elephant has red bits on its feet and ears. Perfect. No push towards any sort of gender stereotype and also a contrast of black and white, which is something that attracts babies in their first few months, as they can't really see much else or many colours. That's why they have all these baby books that are black and white with maybe one other bold colour, and it is all about pattern and contrast.

Well done Paperchase, but there is still a long way to go. And as I know about four people currently pregnant, I'm pretty sure I'll be having more and more issues on the same subject. Can't buy them all the same card.

Abolish the pink and blue sections! And remove gender association from colour. Let the colours be free! Let the children be free.

Jeans for Giants
I found a pair of flared jeans yesterday, very exciting prospect, you don't see them very often and they were very reasonably priced. They had different waist sizes, but only one length. And that length was Giant. I tried them on and there were literally six inches of unnecessary denim. I am short, but not that short, an average short if you will: 5 foot 4 and a half inches.

I remember a time when jeans were organised in length and waist - as they still are in men's jeans - but in this particular shop, it was made for women of at least 5 foot 10 inches, the rest of us can go to hell. Sort his out H and M. Sort it out.

I was tempted to get them anyway and have them altered, but by the time you do that, you've lost half the flare and that's the whole bloody point. Jeans rage!

Ordered a UK 6, why not send a UK 4? That'll work
So I ordered some sandals in the sale from Hush Puppies. Free delivery, free returns and half price. I'd been eyeing them up for a while but didn't want to pay full price, and thought they would come in handy for Morocco in a few weeks' time.

So when I get home on Tuesday and the parcel is there, I'm giddy, until the point when I look at them and think, they're pretty but look quite small. And yes, they've sent me a freakin' size 4 instead of a size 6. Bit of a difference there. And now I have to faff around with returns and shit. URGH!

End thoughts....
Okay, I think I'm possibly ranted out there for a day or so. Got to get back to Bond, only 62 pages left. Let's hope I can finish it without too many racist or sexist comments. Fingers crossed. My cringe quota is way over loaded.

Thanks for reading and I'm sure I'll be back soon.

Rants