After just over two weeks of fires in airport control towers, crazy tall buildings, Amtrak trains, fire alarms going off in hotels at 5am, nice people genuinely interested in where you're from and what you do, copious amounts of football (American), baseball and basketball, and more Country music than you could stack up and fit inside the State Capital of Wisconsin - believe me, it's massive - this ranter is back!
And it's only once you're back in your own world, that you fully realise the extent of the differences between your world and the one you just returned from.
So 16 days away and 12 of them with a car, a luxury and novelty for us, but also a safe haven from bears, wolves and other wildlife, a place to eat, a shelter from the rain and a storage tank for moving around large suitcases. This also meant 12 days of US radio and I have to admit mainly Country music blasting out and a lot of singing along.
Now, back in London, it's odd to have to censor myself and not sing aloud to my iPod as I wander to the bus stop. And speaking of buses, if they're not packed to the rafters, they're on di-bloody-version.
In the states they have it as state law that vehicles yield to pedestrians at crossings, and they have signs at each one that says it. Well come on Britain, wake up! We need this too. There are way too many tossers on the road who don't stop at crossings, even if you have children with you.
And don't get me started on the jet lag. It's more like jet push, shove, spin, suck and spit out again. Though granted that isn't quite as catchy. The time fairy really did a number on me this time, taking hours, giving them back. I wonder if she ever gets confused? It would be hilarious if she fecked up and had excess hours or not enough, or completely screwed up the time zones, or completely eradicated the time zones. Yes. I'm weird.
Things I miss from the holiday:
- More eagles than I thought actually existed.
- Seeing wolves, foxes, chipmunks and deer out out in the wild.
- Loads of big ass birds of prey.
- The fall colours. And yes, I know I said fall, but after two weeks of hearing little else, it kinda sticks in there. (Autumn)
- The US obsession with fall. I share it, and have come home with so many fall and Halloween decorations and cards and stuff. (Autumn)
- Maple Syrup and pancakes. Mmmmmm.
- People telling me to have a nice day. Nobody here gives a crap about my day, and even if they don't, at least they lie convincingly.
- People thanking me just for entering a shop, looking around and not buying anything. They actually thank you just for stopping by, instead of giving you the eye like they expect you to ship lift, and making you feel uncomfortable. Thanks.
- Exploring and relaxing in somebody else's world.
Things I won't miss:
- Road kill. Never seen so many squished animals, blood and guts everywhere.
- Burnt out/abandoned motels and houses. So many. So creepy!
- Political adverts and the voice overs used for them. So condescending.
- Diet adverts and the voice overs used for them. So laughably unrealistic.
- Draughty, hole in the floor toilets. But sometimes you're out in the woods and you gotta pee. Draughty bum time.
- Godzilla size portions at meal times. Man it's a good job we found some 'lighter' options after we left Chicago, otherwise I'd be at least two stone heavier.
Okay, this ranter is hungry and can smell the cooking from the kitchen - not difficult, the kitchen is in the living room and about two metres away. A huge thanks to everyone that read the Kate Bush blogs, they have had over 1300 views between them and I am over the moon about it.
It's good to be back to reality, back to my book, back to my flat, back to friends and family, and back to Virgin Trains offering me a free upgrade for my journey up North on Friday. Winner.
See, sometimes it's good to be back, you never know what you'll return to but isn't that part of the adventure.............?