Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The Triple Whammy

There are three things that have been getting on my goat for a while now and they have finally reached rant status, though at least one of them has been ranted about before, so I guess they have reached re-rant status and not many things do that.

Pedestrian Issues

1. Dog Shit

Yes, okay this is a common one in a lot of areas, but in Kentish Town - yes I love you KT but you need to sort this shit out, pronto! - it has reached some sort of bizarre epidemic. There is literally dog shit on the streets every three strides and when you're trying to negotiate a large buggy with two children in and save your DMs, it can get ugly, fast. Of course I usually opt to save the DMs. Of course.

There are a hell of a lot of dog owners and there are dog poo bins in the park, which is usually where the path of shit leads, so why the hell aren't you picking it up and tossing it in the bin? Oh, because it's much more fun to let others play dodge the crap? Well screw you. If you have a dog, then you must be willing to clean up after it. It's like having a small child, taking the nappy off and just having at it. Unless we need to start getting doggy diapers - only used the US term for alliteration purposes - something has to change.

And considering KT is supposed to be the place to be now and all the house prices are sky rocketing and we can't get a bigger place, it seems directly proportional to the amount of shit. More luxury flats built; more people move in, more shit. Though, I'm sure the locals have something to do with it too.

But there are so many young families and kids around. Kids explore. Kids touch stuff they shouldn't, it's called knowledge and understanding of the world, or just touching crap on the floor because mummy said not to. But anyhoo, it can't be good and it could lead to not only poo on shoes, poo in home, poo on carpet. But also poo in mouth, ill child; yucky buggy wheels and heaven forbid, shit on DMs. NO!

Seriously though dog walkers and owners, take some plastic bags with you and clean up your crap! As far as I'm concerned if it's your dog, it's your crap! (I feel I may have hit on a new advertising strategy there. I can just see the billboards now: If it's your dog, it's your crap! By Rants of a Bitter Northerner. Sort of poetic, don't you think.)

2.Cyclists, Taxis and Zebra Crossings

Moving on. This is most definitely a re-rant.  It springs it's ugly head every few months or so because it is a repeat offense. It happens more than I care to remember and involves some barely avoided crashes with varying types of vehicles and often involves me with one or more children.

Last Tuesday.
So last Tuesday this happened:

I cross the road at a zebra crossing. I get to the middle and wait for the black cab to stop, which miraculously it did. And as I'm almost across, two knob head cyclists come hurtling towards me and have to dangerously swerve around me. What a couple of knobs! I was so close to being run down and oh how my rage would have been released if that happened, though maybe it would have had to wait until after the concussion had wore off and my injuries were seen to.

The taxi stopped for a reason, you know at that stripy thing on the road, you know where pedestrians cross? Oh, you do know it, so then maybe you could consider stopping next time instead of speeding up like a couple of twats.

I screamed something at them, but they were long gone. And that time I was actually grateful to the taxi.

So it seems to be repeat Tuesday offenses, but here's what happened yesterday:

Different zebra crossing but only a five minute walk from the other one mentioned above. I pick up one of my past pupils from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and directly opposite his flat block is a zebra crossing. Now normally you have to be careful because the cyclists zoom down the side, even when the buses have stopped and so you can't see shit and you have to poke your head out and hope.

This time, however, the cyclist stopped. Thank you very much, there are some out there who understand the big stripy line, good to know. And the man in the van saw me start to cross with a tiny child and then proceeded to speed up. I had to put my arm out and shout 'Bloody Hell'. Couldn't stop the swear filter at that point, despite little ears. What an idiot.

Then, that only took us to the middle of the road, I still had to negotiate the other side. The taxi approaching, slowed down and stopped, so I peeped round to check on cyclists and lo and behold, up pops another taxi, squeezes past the other taxi (it's a one lane road by the way) and keeps going. I have to yank the child out of the way, for a complete tool, and eventually reach safety on the other side. Can I just say this is a relatively tiny road, for London, and it involves two high risks of death, even with a supposed pedestrian crossing.

It needs sorting out and soon, otherwise it will be me or a child or another pedestrian landing in the hospital with not only injuries and pain but a hell of a rage!

3. Trampoline Etiquette

Now, to finish our triple whammy, there is an issue that only affects about 0.5% of the population of London, never mind anywhere else, but you might relate it to something else very similar or just find it funny compared to the last one.

So, every week, I take two of the kids I look after to Baby Gym in Kentish Town and we are allowed to run on the bouncy floor and use the real Gymnastics equipment. It's great fun.

Now, there are two trampolines and normally about 40 kids in the room plus adults, so it can mean a lot of waiting. But when I'm sitting there with a really well behaved kid, just waiting for the current child to finish and then another child just comes up and nabs our spot, wow that makes me mad.

Then they always try to make out they can't see you. Oh yeah, because you can't see the frickin' Rainbow Brite t-shirt I'm wearing or the little boys dinosaur t-shirt. No, we just blend in to the white of the trampoline. How could you possibly have seen us?

Oh, I know it sounds so petty, but this really gets my goat up, whatever that means. I am nice person, by default and we all know I'm softer than I should be and I hate confrontation but some of those mums need to sort themselves out.

And some of them let their kids stay on bouncing for ages, even though there are people waiting. The kids I'm with, I always limit their time if there's people waiting, so it's fair. Probably the Pre School teacher in me, that refuses to leave. But yesterday, the woman that had cut in in front of us, then had the cheek to say: 'Oh, just say if you want to go on.' Oh no, I just like sitting here watching. Ahhhhhhh!

Luckily, I keep all these things inside and they fuel the rants, otherwise what would I do for you guys?

So there you have it, the triple whammy of annoyances. Dog shit, zebra crossings and trampoline etiquette. Surely that's enough to get anyone ranting. ;-)

Anyhoo, that's enough from me. I'd appreciate any comments on your triple whammy. What's your top three annoyances of 2014 so far? Does anyone agree with mine or also experience mine? You can comment on here or facebook or twitter. Cheers.

That's all for now.


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