Friday, August 2, 2013

A Fat Night At The Ballet: Bad Move

You know when you're having a fat day/week/month/year and you go to the Ballet and you think......I'm a whale!?! No. Just me?
They are so delicate and spindly and there's just muscle and no fat. I mean, what's that like? (Years and years of contortion and training and probably eating a rabbit's diet.) But still. When experiencing a fat moment, ballet is bad.

We went to see Swan Lake. Now I knew the music having played it in various Orchestras and the Marching Band I was in, (Our Swan Lake medley thing was amazing! Best bell section ever!) but I'd never actually seen the ballet. As usual we were in the top seats and by top I mean at the top of the World looking down, with 'restricted' view which actually means you can only see half the stage, so you miss half the dancing. Whoop! But on the upside we could see around 70% of the Orchestra pit and I love the freakin' Orchestra, so that was great! Yeah, fuck you in the £500 seats, you couldn't see the Orchestra could you? Ha!

Now speaking of the Orchestra...oh my word....BEST THING EVER! I was so distracted by some of the soloists that I almost forgot about the dancing. The Violinist especially blew my mind. She made that violin sing, scream, wail, whisper, dance, walk, run, stumble....I could go on! I had never heard anything like it. Most of the time when I was clapping, I was clapping for her, or them as the harpist, clarinetist and other soloists were just as mesmerising! But the fluidity of the Orchestra and the way all the different sections weaved together was perfect. The flautists were impeccable and made the green eyed monster peer out from his dark cave. If only I'd practised like a mad woman, I could have been doing that. Really? No. Let's face it I was never good enough and I knew that. Still, when you hear a flute played just right it makes you remember why you took up flute in the first place.

So, why are most male leads wet lettuces? Its true. Tony from West Side Story (my favourite musical) - Wet lettuce! The Prince from Swan Lake - Wet lettuce. There are always such better male principals like in Swan Lake the Jester is amazing! I guess this is partly down to his part which is so fast and bounding and energetic, whereas the Prince is all grace and nobility. Who gets the biggest cheer though? Jester every time. In fact the Prince kept stealing everyone' s thunder arriving at the end of scene just in time to take the applause. (Although as we could only see half of the stage, he could have been dacing the whole scene. Who knows.) But the Jester and the Sorcerer still got the biggest cheers.

As a male ballet dancer I realised there is no room for any sort of body complex. Every thing is on show. But then I guess part of being so good at something like this probably makes you unaware of such issues. And the men had some excellent lunge movements, though in crazy extended ways where you thought, how the hell did your leg do that? Bizarre.

Now I know a secret. In ballet if you want to get the biggest claps, you have to the most spinny things. In the first act that was the Jester and he by far got the most claps. In the second half a few of the others cottoned on and at times it seemed they were having a spin off. I can spin faster and for longer than you. No I can. No I can, just watch! So basically the rule is: No spinny spinny, no clappy clappy. But if you are willing to spin countless times in a row then claps will be in abundance!

Some of the dances with just the swans were fantastic. That many arms and legs all in unison, moving as one. Beautiful. And those tutus are the epitome of the ballet dancer costume in everyone's mind. Though when the four dance together across the stage I couldn't help think back to the Dawn French and Darcy Bussell sketch from years ago. It might have been Comic Relief or something. I know, I can't take anything seriously. But why should I? I still enjoyed it. I still respect and am in awe of all the performers. But I just see the lighter side of pretty much everything and that keeps life interesting. If there's no humour.....why bother?

I love going to the Ballet or Opera because there's always this huge combination of people there, from your Wedding dress wearing £500 ticket holders, to your shorts and T-shirt wearing £8 ticket holders. It's the 21st Century version of Royalty and peasants and I know where I fit in. I also like that they have the cheaper tickets available because it does allow more people to access these fine performances but I hate that some people are still so snobby about it. "Oh you're going to the Ballet?" Yes. Why not? I might not be a dancer but I am a musician and I love to watch people dance and play to the highest quality. Yes I might not know the dance moves or be able to salute the choreographer but who gives a shit, I was there clapping and cheering and watching just like the snobby ones. And I got blog material from it, so I was working at the same time. In your face!

Another huge shout out to the Orchestra some of which we walked past at the stage door. I drop to my knees and bow: "We're not worthy. We're not worthy." There were plenty of goose bump moments and I was definitely distracted by watching the soloists. Truly mesmerising stuff!

And finally, I went for a run yesterday, first time in a few months and it was great. Only 2.5 miles but it'll take me a while to build up again. Still, the old thighs are feeling it this morning and so I'm glad it was shitting it down as it gave me an excuse not to go. Ha ha. I'll go tomorrow. Only 3 weeks and 2 days to lose weight. I don't want to be fat and that number that I don't like......Eek, fast approaching Birthday. 

Apologies if there are a load of typos, the spell check on Blogger is down. I've re-read it about five times but you never know with morning eyes. Well, Happy Friday every one. I am looking forward to date night tonight which is taking place on my couch with A and involves a nice meal and lots of series watching. Yes yes yes!


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