Blood, brains and penis' at the Saatchi Gallery, plus slightly too much Woo Woo!

Hello. Apologies for the lateness of this week's blog, it's been an odd one and I've been trying to fit in a lot of writing on the old novel, which is great but sometimes my time management and organisation leave a little to be desired. Basically, I wanna quit work and write and write and write forever, which just goes to show there are no bounds or limitations to my imagination. So instead, I fret and panic and spend way too long at work and then get annoyed at myself for having fretted, panicked and spent too much time at work, which once again detracts from writing time and blogging. Urgh!

And of course I got my fifth rejection from an agent I really wanted which just made the week even more fantastic! And as much as I knew it was gonna happen and I was prepared for it, it still hurt. No matter how many layers of thick skin you throw on - and I have a load which is probably why I'm always so hot on the tube - rejection is just something we, as human beings, don't like. And why should we? Being told you're not right for the job; being told what you've done is no good; being told you're rubbish at what you do. These are the things that screw children up for life. Yet as adults we're supposed to take it with a pinch of salt, pick ourselves up and hit 'em back twice as hard, which is my philosophy. I plan on making each and every one of my rejectors, utterly regret not taking on my book, by it becoming huge and it becoming a cross over into adult fiction and then I'll be like, "Ha, In your face, bitches." But enough of depressing things, let's get to the good stuff.......

He he. The hideous couple in the lift at Goodge Street this afternoon. Congratulations you've made it to the blog. Oh my God, they were chewing face and all over each other and that's just unnecessary, especially in a tiny box with twenty other people. At least wait until you're out the other end. It was gross, but also hilarious because this wasn't some uber young teenagers or anything, they were easily in their thirties and just touching and kissing every few seconds. Obviously, "get a freakin' room," came to mind, but I was also contemplating the good old bucket of cold water. It's a classic. But to be fair, if the lift ride had gone on any longer, I may have just gone for a full fledged screaming or hair pulling. You can't beat a bit of hair pulling.

What was even more hilarious was the fact that no one wanted to stand close to them, as they were mauling themselves, so they had this ring of disgust surrounding them, but that just pissed me off even more. Why should they get space, when I've got a elbow in my back, someones newspaper on my head (it sucks being short sometimes) and the smell of sweaty men attacking my nostrils? Really we should have created a little circle pit and then started attacking them, like a mosh pit or something. That woulda been good. Or we could have just given them no space, which would quite possibly have deterred them from slobbering all over each other in the first place. Ahhhh, you always think of these things afterwards..........

Oh and I wanted to thank my uber amazing friend L for coming for some extremely cheeky and slightly lethal (due to ridiculous cheapness and sheer quantity of them) cocktails on Tuesday. It was much needed and I had a blast, despite the tiny cockroach that seemed determined to plague us. Yeah, it's a slight dive (okay, a mega dive) but it's cheap cheerful and in all honesty, the first time we've found a cockroach there. So that's something. Ha ha.

I think my highlight was the crazy Italians that came to chat us up. they'd been staring through the window at us and then holding up pieces of paper, but let's face it, I didn't have my glasses on, so I had no idea what they were bleating on about. In the end they placed a piece of paper on the table and a pen and walked away. I drew a star on it and then when he collected it he said, "So your name's star?" And I thought, why the hell not. I love stars and that would be a well cool name, so I said yeah and then they said that L looked like Cameron Diaz. So they referred to us as Cameron and Star, which was just quite hilarious! I mean, they were clearly trying to chat us up but they were also completely harmless. We led off pretty quickly with the fact that we both have boyfriends, though it was quite funny because my fella is Italian too. Ha, in their faces! They were from the South though. Boo! We love the North! North Italy rocks! No offense and I haven't even been to the South, but I have to stick up for what I know and that's Northern Italy Rocks! Then before they left they wanted a picture with a celebrity (L: Cameron) and they gave us both a 10 Euro cent coin. He he. It was shiny though. I love shiny coins.

Then I drunkenly stumbled home after three pitchers of cocktail and no food. He he. We never learn.

Montessorian! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And so, I reach the end of another blog and I leave you this week with a lovely observation from Saturday afternoon. We took a trip to the Saatchi Gallery with A and his parents that were visiting from Italy. And I try to be open minded with modern art, and I am, I really am, but.......What the Feck?

Creepy plaster people ripping out people's gutts and shoving penis' through heads is just unnecessary and slightly evil. I did also make the comment that the only funny penis in head moment I've ever seen, is in Scary movie, but that's penis through ear. It's still gross but in the context of a very silly, spoof horror movie, you can kinda allow it. But there were a lot of children there and it just seemed a little too much penis in head for my liking. Just imagine some of the questions kids would have asked....He he.

Then there were also a lot of dead animals and brain matter and blood and horse skin and it was all just a little nasty. When you look at the description and it says, materials: horse skin, plaster, hair and blood, you kinda go.....oh, lovely, before skipping out of the room to try and find something a little less dead.

And then, possibly the worst one for me was the clowns with extremely scary faces and these weird pink arms and stuff and they were stood up in the middle of the room, but I couldn't go near them. I was convinced they would start to move. Eurgh! Luckily they didn't otherwise they might have had another exhibition, fresh that day by Helen Richards: Shit stain.......

But what really put the icing on the cake was the kids. There were all these super middle class families with their three kids, all of whom were under five, all of whom just wanted to climb on the stuff and touch it and generally piss about. It was awesome to watch as the parents strolled around examining the pieces, clearly identifying with dead horses and penis' in the head. But my ultimate favourite was the little girl who was amazed by everything. Everything was "Wow! Wow Mummy. Look at that! Wow!" And then they entered the room with the crashed cars and she said, "Wow Mummy that's amazing!" And her mum replied, "No it's not. It's a car crash." Looking particularly harrowed that her child found it fascinating and dragging her out by her hand. Ha ha. Kids rock!

As always guys, thanks for reading.

Happy Thursday.

Helen