And the pathetic bridesmaid award goes to...................

So, the weekend saw the wedding of the century and my third outing as a bridesmaid, though the previous two times were a good twenty years ago. I tell you, it's much more stressful as an adult. As a kid you just turn up, someone dresses you and then you just walk down the aisle and no matter what happens, you're cute and little so the crowd go "Awwwwwwwwww." As an adult, it's a little different. You stress about the tiniest things and feel like you have to know every little detail, as if we're important at all. All people wanna see is the bride looking divine, but still you feel as though all eyes will be on you and if there's the slightest speck of dirt or pluck in your dress, or hair out of place, someone's gonna notice.

In terms of girliness factors, this was a pretty challenging day for me. Wearing a dress (without jeans), having my hair and makeup done and wearing lilac, very tall heels. Ha ha. The things you do for your best friends hey? Ha ha. Only kidding J, I had a blast. Oh my God, I had eyelash inserts, which basically made me look as though I actually had eye lashes. It was incredible. I think they were definitely my favourite bit. But also, my hair looked pretty awesome. Quite a fifties look, which went beautifully with my vintage glasses, but also we had real flowers in our hair too. We did have a few dress issues as in not having enough chest to stop the gapage, but we looked out for each other, with sixty second updates on 'Boob Watch'. "Oh, watch out, I can see your bra." "Your strap is showing." Etc etc.

The transport was phenomenal. We had this old bus dating back to 1912 (I think), which was just genious. It took ages to get anywhere but was just amazing. I think one of the top moments was when a butterfly flew inside the bride's veil. He he. He well didn't wanna come out. But A to the rescue, our honourary bridesmaid, and all was well. The bride's dress was just amazing, ridiculously amazing and I think for about an hour, that's all we could comment on, just how amazing she looked. There were literally no other words. Amazing!

Well, I'd been stressing for about a week as I was singing at the ceremony and I knew it was gonna be a tough one, but I had no idea what an emotional wreck I'd turned into. I swear my Gran's funeral set it off. It opened something up inside me, and I'm not sure how to close it down again. I probably haven't helped myself as I've been home alone most of the week, watching back to back episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 5. It's terribly addictive but distinctly depressive. So as a run up to my first public singing outing in nearly two years, it probably wasn't the best preparation.

So, we've made it to the room, a little late as the wedding before ours was late, and we're sat listening to the service and it's all fine until J's sister gets up to read. She struggles through and bursts into tears, setting me off. The tension in the air is unbearable. Just tiny emotional bubbles bursting right before me. I need to strap on a pair, but I'm struggling. I always used to be the biggest cynic when it came to weddings. Why do people cry? What's so sad about it all? It's stupid to cry....etc. But I tell you what, when it's someone that you know very well and you love so much........then it's a whole different ball game.

The groom cracked a little on his vows and then J crumbled too and I just lost it. And this was literally a minute before I had to sing. When she announced me to sing, I was already on the verge, on the verge, on the verge. I chomped down on my lip, desperate to get through the song, desperate not to mess up their special day. But of course, J was sat directly in front of me and my mum about two rows behind her. Damn it! So I couldn't focus in front of me, unless I went higher up. And as A pressed play and the music started, I clamped my eyes shut, focing the tears back. Since when did I turn in to some overly emotional female? Urgh!

Well, I forced my way through the song, my legs shaking uncontrollably and for 90% of the time, my eyes were closed. (My old singing teacher, Nazi C would have yelled at me so much! That's the worst performance ever, you had your eyes closed the whole time. Pretty similar comments that she made during my masters.....Bitch!)  I literally couldn't look at anyone or anything, otherwise I would've cracked. It's an awful feeling though, when you know you can do so much better, but you're just having an internal crisis. I managed to mostly control my voice, giving enough support to not let it shake as much as my torso and limbs, but there were a couple of flat notes and quivers. But as it got towards the end, I thought, sod it, I'm going for that high note at the end. I'm not gonna chicken out and do the same as the other chorus'. No. I'm Helen, I can sing Katie Bush from the hill tops and I will do this. And do you know what? I did and it was perfect. Just a shame that as soon as I finished singing, I dissolved into tears, sat down and broke down in my chair. And the pathetic bridesmaid award goes to.............Ta da......Me!

I'm sure it could've gone worse. People always say that, but I got through it and I don't think I messed it up too badly, though I did completely embaress myself. I made a pact though, to myself. The next time I sing at a good friends' wedding, I will be in a box, where no one can see me. Or preferably not even in the same room, they can just project in my voice from outside or something. Then it will be fine.

Well, the rest of the day was splendid. And as I had been a bridesmaid, the bridesmaid diet was officially over, and as all I'd eaten was a bacon sandwich at 8.00am, then at 5.30 I was pretty ready for my BBQ. Woo Hoo! Burger, two sausages, garlic pork, minted lamb and salad. Yum! Then Trifle! I pissing love trifle! I was very happy indeed. Then came the speeches and dancing, and of course with J and T having a very similar taste in music to me, it was incredible. I haven't moshed so much in a long time. It was like a Maximes reunion. especially when P turned up. I was so excited! Of course, the lilac shoes were discarded immediately as we arrived at the reception and the moshing began. There were some genious tunes out there. But my highlights included, Killing in the name of!; Poison (mine and J's song); The pretender; For whom the bell tolls; sweet child of mine and Smells like teen spirit. To name but a few. Excellent! And I did manage to lose all the flowers out of my hair and it all fell out, but it was totally worth it.

Do you know what was great? When I got in the car to go back to my parents house and I put my jeans, trainers and t-shirt on, and took the dress off. Ahhhhhh, I felt just like Helen again. Ahhhhhhhh.

Well, I realise the blog kinda just turned into a run down of the wedding, but ah well, it was a great day and two wonderful people are joined together for life. Well done guys, you're way braver than I am. Ha ha. To Dr and Mrs Harvey!!! Here here!!!

Well readers, have an awesome Monday. the sun is shining in Kentish Town and I'm quite thankful to be on a 10-6. Shame we're two members of staff down today. Could be hell day. Eek!

Until the next blog........

Helen

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P.s. Apologies if there are many spelling mistakes, the spell check was not working today. Boo spell check. xx