Kumquat

Hi and welcome to International day of the Kumquat. Or is it International day of trying to look like a constipated zebra? I always get confused between the two.

Anyhow, it's Thursday the 20th March and it must be the International day of something, because what else would we do if we weren't been told to talk like a pirate or wear odd socks, or for heaven's sake, be happy. Honestly, I'm not sure how we coped before International day ofs.......

I would like to know who decides what they are and when they are, because there's only 365 days in the year but an infinite amount of possibilities for a day of. I can think of about three hundred right now this very second. So who makes the cut? Sadly the kumquat does not have it's own day but it does have it's own festival in Dade City, Florida. And I think the constipated zebra day of, proved somewhat unpopular. But annoyingly making the cut is the day of happiness, which is today.

My first thoughts were, fuck off. I know, my naughty mouth. Oo, but there really should be a day of swearing, where swearing is not only allowed but welcomed. That would be nice. I digress. So this day of happiness that is supposedly 'International'. Hmmm. How many nations are actually taking part in this? Nations in war, famine, poverty, disease? Or just those annoyingly optimistic people that are happy all the freakin' time anyway and like to ram it down your throats. They are unbearable anyway, don't give them a frickin' day to devote to general annoyance.

Being a cynic, a pessimist and a sarky little bugger, I find the idea of being told to be happy like being told to eat up all my sweetcorn as child. The fact that you want me to do it, makes me want to do it less and less. You can't tell people to be happy and just what is happy? Apparently it's something to do with a room without a roof, according to Pharrell. But I'd be pretty pissed off to be honest if my room came without a roof. Just saying, it rains a lot in this country.

Anyhoo, we all know I'm a bah humbug, any time of the year and I'm sure loads of people have had a great day full of total happiness - vomit - but to those who didn't, that's okay too. Be who you are and don't be ashamed of it.

And as for the international day of, I think we should all create our own, like International it's acceptable to walk around and sing along to your ipod out loud day. (Bit of a mouth full but worth every word.) Or International impression of a Velociraptor day. (I am so good at that!) Oo, even better, International wallow in self pity day. (Another classic.) And fingers crossed, maybe one day the glorious Kumquat will be rewarded its own International day of......

Until then, don't hold your breath, until of course the International day of holding your breath, and maybe buy a kumquat. (I sort of just like saying the word. Kumquat. He he. Kumquat. He he. I know, there's no hope..)

Rants