Door Handles, Door Handles And Envelopes

My word I injure myself a lot in the home; mostly whilst doing mundane jobs like hoovering or generally walking from one room to the next. And it got me thinking about the most recurring injuries that I inadvertently inflict upon myself.  And the top three are:

1. Door Handles.
I'm not sure what it is about the height of a door handle or the amount it sticks out or what, but I have quite the knack for bashing elbows, hands, knuckles, hips, legs and fore arms. The amount of bruises I've sustained from door handles is quite ridiculous. And I wouldn't mind, but it's not like they move around, changing their height and sticky-outedness. So why do I continue with the regular collisions? Reduction in spatial awareness? Definitely. An innate clumsiness? Absolutely. Being drawn to shiny things much in the same way as a magpie? Hmmm, not really. Whatever it is, they seem out to get me.

2. Buggering Door Handles.
Now you may be thinking, this is the same as the aforementioned door handles, but you'd be wrong. This is a very specific door handle injury and one that I'm still in pain from. So, I'm hoovering the house and doing a good job of it, getting up all the fluff and hair and stuff and thinking wow, that's what colour the carpet really is. Then I head into the bedroom and you know when you're in the throws of hoovering and you just don't notice that door handle right by your head, as you bend down to get in the corners. Then BAM! Right on the pissin' corner of that wonderful metal contraption. I honestly thought there may be blood and a slight concussion the force at which I hit it, but it turns out there was just a lump and tenderness three days later. Whoop! And all that from trying to tidy up the house.

3. Bloody Love Film Envelope.
Yes, the bloody Love Film envelope attacked me with a paper cut spanning the entire width of my middle finger, yesterday. Blood everywhere. Ha ha. 

I think the conclusion here is that I'm a menace to myself and most door handles. Door handles beware, you may be in for a collision with Rants.

Until next time.

Rants