The Donkey, Monsters and The Jumping Snake.

The Donkey is visiting. The Donkey of Doubt. He's been travelling for a while and I haven't had the displeasure of a visit for quite a while. Sadly he seems to be enjoying the London heat and could be here for an extended stay.

To explain, The Donkey is essentially that voice of doubt that corrupts and twists your mind, thoughts and feelings, that makes you feel inadequate or makes you question your decisions, or in my case my entire novel. I really hate him and his stupid hee haw laugh. He stands in the corner transmitting his negative energy, with all the pessimism of Eeyore, licking his lips and enjoying my slow demise.

And once he's set up, it's hard to get rid. He's quite the loyal companion even when he's clearly not wanted or needed. I ask, who could ever need The Donkey of Doubt? He's evil. He's there to inflict failure. He's there to make you hate every decent idea you've ever had, burn it and replace it with some fragment of scarred remains that no longer resembles what it used to be.

What's worse is that you let him. You let that trail of hay lead him to you. You fuelled his advances, with a notion that something needed tweaking, which lead to, maybe I should take out that chapter altogether. Then, maybe I should do another complete edit and then start changing everything and then, bam! You hate everything and the whole thing is turning into something alien, something unrecognisable and The Donkey has done his job. He has successfully cajoled you into ruining what you already had.

Hee haw! He mocks me.

Beware! The Donkey can attack at any time and often without warning, he's a sneaky little bugger. Don't let him in and don't let him win. He's feral, a wild ass, a pain in mine. He'll take you down to that dark lonely place, laugh at you and then that's when you have to beat him back, when he thinks he's taken it all, that's when you strike. Hit out with a classy new metaphor, or a genius bit of description. He won't be expecting it, at this point he's just expecting you to fail.

I'm not quite there yet but I will be. I just need him to stop laughing. Hee haw. Hee haw. Ahhhh. Shut up!

Leaving aside the question of my sanity, I say go and watch Monster's University. You will giggle and smile and it may even bring a tear to your eye. (I wouldn't bring The Donkey though, he'll just ruin it for you.) And it is hands down my second choice of fictional school, the first of course being Hogwarts. (If any one figures out exactly how to get there - I've tried the platform 9 3/4 thing and it ain't worked out - please let me know.) It's so pretty and there's a clock tower and it's filled with all manner of brightly coloured monsters. What's not to like?

I do have some thoughts about the whole Monster's Inc, scaring floor, though. Now it's an awesome concept and a wonderful movie but I would hazard a guess that even if you were faced with Mike Wazowski - supposedly not scary and most of us would agree - and not James P Sullivan you'd still shit yourself. I mean, come one, an over sized tennis ball with one eye, is not exactly supposed to be poking around your room at night. I think you'd be scared more by the fact that there was someone in your room, than what they looked like. If they were yellow and fluffy and cute, they would still be a yellow, cute and fluffy monster in your room at night. You would scream, "Ahhhhhh! Its a yellow fluffy monster. Ahhhhhhh!"

Then A said I must have seen a lot when I was younger because I was afraid of the dark. What a creepy thought. I tried to imagine what my monsters looked like. I'm pretty sure they weren't yellow and fluffy but still, the rule above, anything alien in your room, while you're sleeping = creepy as hell. Then I realised that there are probably many adult versions of Monster's Inc and one of them is definitely 'The Cabin in the Woods.' A film from 2012 by Joss Whedon (Buffy ledge!) This is essentially all your worst nightmares in boxes under the ground waiting to be activated and it is pretty fucked up!

Well my nightmares recently have consisted of jumping snakes and beasties coming in through the open balcony door as it's so hot I sleep about 4 hours if we don't leave it open. You've got to love the irrationality of the mind. It really does go to supreme lengths to deprive you of sleep, make you doubt yourself and scare you for no particular reason.

I feel quite angry and anxious today (The Donkey at work) and really need to sing. But I can't. A and his new intern are also working today in the living room with me and in a couple of hours I have to hop on a bus and look after one of my kids for a few hours. He might not mind me singing but it's more of a Tori Amos blast I need, not 'Walking Through the Jungle.' Something powerful and uninterrupted, loud and intense! I'm not sure A and his intern or the bus people will appreciate. But I have all this pent up singing aggression and it will have to be released soon before I explode, so currently I am playing air piano and tapping my foot whilst writing this blog. It's the only way!

Oh by the way, anyone got a clue about google +. I have signed up and done a profile and stuff but how do I find interesting people to add to my circles or whatever? Eek. Drowning in lack of knowledge.

Thanks for all the support for The Sarky Traveller. It's weird no longer sharing this space with her but it was time for her to expand, especially as she's well more popular than I am. (Pretty lucky we're the same person really, otherwise I might get jealous.) I honestly can't believe more people are more interested in travelling around America or beautiful towns in Belgium than reading about my inability to find jeans that fit. Shocking.

Signing off now. Anyone else currently visited by The Donkey, don't worry, we can beat him, it might just take a strong drink and an aggressive sing. I know what I'll be doing later!

Try not to melt and put on your suncream, even if you're not pasty and white like me.

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