Struggling To Pull Off That Carefree Summer Look

Are you struggling to pull off that carefree Summer look? You know the one I mean? When you bounce around with a cute dress on and look completely at ease in the ravishing heat; no sweat, no red face, no problem. (Or similarly men, when you stroll around in jeans, a t-shirt and a cute blazer but look completely composed. No sweaty 'tache, just ease and comfort.)

Yeah, I'm not sure who these people are but I'm pretty sure they're mutants from Mercury, thus their penchant for high temperatures. Either that or cyborgs programmed not to respond to temperature changes. Ooo, they could have hearts of ice, thus an inner cooling device. Hmmmmm.

Anyhoo, I am most definitely not one of them. Today when I went out to teach class I was wearing shorts and a vest top. That's 4 items of clothing, including bra and knickers. How much less could I possibly wear? So you think I'd be mildly comfortable but you'd be wrong, and it's not even that hot, it's just that I cannot pull off the cool, carefree summer look. I always manage to look like I've just stepped out of a steam room: flushed, struggling to breath, thirsty and harassed. I hate steam rooms. Perhaps that was a bad example.

So I started wondering why I can't pull off the summer thing and I came up with quite a few ideas:

1. Maybe it's because I am usually carrying two heavy bags full of instruments that make sounds as I walk.
2. Maybe it's that all my summer clothes are roughly 5 years old (and aging). Well, it's not like I use them very often. 
3. Maybe it's that most of my summer clothes are black.
4. Maybe it's because I can't walk slow, especially if I'm listening to music. It's more like I'm being chased rather than, oo let's have a pleasant walk to the bus stop. 
5. Maybe it's the fact that the bus, even with all the windows open is a veritable green house, complete with engine which readily overheats.
6. Maybe it's that the sun is shining right on the chair, through the bus windows, absorbing all the heat and so sitting back means actually sticking to the chair. Nice!
7. Or maybe it's because you realise your top is sticking to you leaving slight wet patches everywhere. 
8. Maybe it's because that 'easy to absorb, no streak' suncream I purchased lied through it's bum hole, as you can see quite clearly the streaks where it hasn't absorbed. 
9. Maybe it's that I sweat under the nose pads on my sunglasses.
10. Maybe it's that I get a sweaty 'tache (top lip) and have to mop my brow every so often.
11. Or maybe it's that I have to wear a sun hat, (Stupid pale British complexion) which is so not cool, especially when I realise that most of the hats I own were purchased pre-17 (Eek...Time for a new hat I think).Literally no one cool wears a sun hat. Only kids and they have the best ones too. Lucky buggers. 
12. Maybe it's because the sun dries out my hair quicker than 10 hair dryers and leaves that lovely straw look/feel to it. 

Or maybe it is all of the above and more. Still, I wish I could flounce around in a carefree manner, with a nice thin cotton dress, without fear of the dreaded - and still socially unacceptable, unless you're working out a gym or something - sweat patch. Or at least not to look constantly harassed. Ah well. Just a pipe dream. I think I am forever condemned to a life of melting red face and blotchy sun cream.

I tell you what's great though, listening to your Ipod on A-Z songs and Puppini Sisters coming on with their Christmas classic: Step Into Christmas. It's 30 degrees outside but I'm still stepping into Christmas. Ha ha. Made me laugh. And it was enough at least to forget for a moment that I will never under any circumstances pull off the carefree summer look.

Anyhoo, to add insult to injury I was ID'd today for the Cider I bought to make risotto tonight (ours are always alcofrolic!). She asked to look at it twice because she couldn't believe her eyes. For fucks sake. I may not look (almost) 30, but I must be hedging closer to the 25. Surely. Ah. Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of 'em.

Stewed rhubarb almost ready, then Dexter and Revenge. Whoop!