Get ready for the splurge

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not a great day. I feel a splurge rant coming on. Just a splurge of thoughts. No method to the madness.

So I'm supposed to leave at four as I'm on the early shift this week and I've got all my paperwork done for the day and it's 3.55 and I'm thinking 'get in, I'll be able to leave on time.' I've set up the tables for tea, done everything I need to.....goodbye. And that's when my manager says, 'can I just have five minutes before you go?' Ahhhhhhhh, those words I hear so often which are usually followed by an hour in the office. Great, just as I'm about to leave.

Right about here is where a 'no' button would come into play quite nicely, but as yet I am not fitted with one. I hear nowadays they come fitted as standard. Damn you youngsters and your attitude problems and unwillingness to do anything for anyone but yourself. And damn those polite, lovely genes that show respect and kindness to others. They basically mean you'll spend your life as a doormat.

My manager asks me if I'm okay? She says I've seemed really stressed recently. Well yeah! Of course. How could I not be? If it's not new children throwing themselves on the floor or beating the crap out of their friends; it's being over ratio. If it's not children giving you two days notice before they leave or SEN paperwork, then it's people coming around telling me I have to have my portfolios up to date or the world will crumble around us. They pile on the stress in droves. I was up till 1.00am doing children's portfolios. Then they wonder why I'm tired and snappy the next day.

They seem to think that there's all this time to spare in the day that we're not utilising. Believe me, I wish there was, but sadly no. Some days there's barely an opportunity to drink or pee, let alone update portfolios. I just think most people that don't directly work in the classroom, doing the teacher's role, shouldn't be allowed to pass judgement on it. Unless you're in there, up to your elbows in piss and snot then how the hell do you know what's going on. If you can descend from your throne on high, with your nice clothes not covered in afore-mentioned bodily fluids and presumably paint, chalk and whatever they had for dinner, then it's difficult to take your opinion seriously.

So yes, I'm stressed.

Then she asks me if I'm happy. She says I don't seem happy. Wow. She really knows how to hit this thing on the head. I know what this is. It isn't concern for me, my sanity or my increasingly greying hair. It's simply to gauge out if I'm going to leave or not. Now of course, I want to. I even told her that I'd wanted to leave for the last four years (my current employment length.....4 years and 2 weeks) and tried to shrug it off as a joke. Though sometimes I don't think everyone quite gets my humour. Well. Their loss.

So I skirt around the edges as usual, not really giving much truth, throwing in a sarcastic comment or two. But then we get the part when I'm told I need to be coming in in a good mood, because I work with children and that's what should be happening and that I shouldn't take out my annoyances on the children. And that I shouldn't shout at the children because she doesn't like that. In response, I said that I always come in in a good mood, I just lose it by about 10am. (No laugh.....tough crowd). I also add that if I do shout, I bring my voice straight down afterwards and I only do that as a last resort. But I felt like I was having to defend myself.

I was so annoyed. In all honesty, most of the things that piss me off are parent or staff related. Let's face it, a 2, 3 or 4 year old couldn't get you that narked. It would have to be an adult. And that my dears is why I work with kids. They're much easier to get along with than adults and much more on my wave length. And if I am ever grumpy I always apologise afterwards and I find a way of cheering myself and everyone up.

What I loved was the fact that it started off as though she was genuinely concerned about me (though we all know she just doesn't want me to leave) and then it turned into me getting told off. Oh and guess what time it is now.......4.15.

But then even better, guess what I'm greeted with as I go back in the classroom.??? Oh Helen, one of the kids turned on all the taps and flooded the bathroom and the floor's all wet. So who stays to mop it up and gets on her hands and knees cleaning the floor to make sure no one slips???? Yes, you guessed it, me! And do I get a thanks?????? Do I bollocks.

That, right there is one of the many things that ticks me off. You wonder why I'm unhappy. Because I do anything for anyone and no one gives a rats arse about me and all the time I give up for that place. If I was given all my time back, I'd probably be off the next two weeks. But I never say anything and now it's just the running joke that Helen can't leave on time. Well. The joke will be on them, when I start leaving them bang on 4.00, with no intention of staying a moment later, not even if they're stressed and over ratio. Not even if nine parents come at the same time for feedback. No. From this day onwards, if I'm supposed to leave at 4.00, then I will leave at 4.00 and beware anyone that gets in my way. If this is the only way to get through to people, then I'll do it. I'll become a dragon. Because it's just not worth it anymore, especially when most of my kids are leaving me. Kids that I've had for up to 2 and a half years. Attached doesn't really cover it.

It's just not worth it to work myself to the bone and then still get told I'm not doing enough. For some people this is their vocation in life, but not for me. This is something I stumbled into and happened to be good at and at certain times I can really enjoy. But most of the time it's just a major headache. I love my kids so much and I love the teaching elements of the day, but that just isn't enough anymore. I want to write. I want the freedom and head space to allow my thoughts to form and develop. I don't want to be constantly thinking that I should be doing something else. Always having your mind on numerous tasks is pretty exhausting and it's partly why I don't sleep longer than 6 hours and partly why I'm always knackered.

The poor washing machine. It's just finished it's sixth run since being repaired on Friday. The red light is blinking another competed cycle. Well done. We're really testing that new motor. Though I'm still only just reaching the actual washing basket (dusty bin). I've cleared the mountain above it but there's still everything inside it. God knows how long it's all been there. At least a month. Lucky I don't smell too bad. (No comments to the contrary please. I'm not sure I could take it today.)

Really obese people walking up the 175 steps at Russell Square station and complaining is hilarious! Ha! Just wait for a bloody lift next time.

Making burgers tonight for the big match. Come on England. Cheer me up! Let's get through to the Quarters. That's reasonably credible and would be a great boost for the country pre-olympics. Apparantly my Olympic tickets were delivered yesterday but I have to go pick them up from the depot as I was at work of course. Still I think it might be more exciting when I can hold them in my hands. I don't quite believe they're real yet until I can hold them without them turning to gold dust.

Let's hope A's eurostar is on time tonight. I am hungry and in need of a heartily massive burger!
Come on England.

Hope you enjoyed the splurge. I think I may need a glass of wine now, or a cheeky vodka and lemonade. Muhahahahahahahahahaha.