Aaaaaarrrrrrggghhhhhh! Blogger has changed it's interface.........der der derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Oh no. I just thought I'd try and get a blog in as A is delayed on the Eurostar and then I log on to this.....I don't know where anything is. Eek.
Well, after pressing only a couple of wrong buttons I seem to be able to write my blog again, so that's fine. And now I'm over the initial shock I can see that it's pretty much the same, so really I should just shut up and get on with it.
Hi all. What a week. Since the day of no words, I have had another 7 days filled with words and am still sticking to the positive thinking, though it definitely slipped to around 80/20 last Friday as an evil dragon attempted to take me down and shatter the wall of positivity I'd managed to hastily erect around me. (I realise it was built fast and with little skill, so I knew it wouldn't take much to take it down, but this was such a sudden, unexpected blow that it ripped a hole right through me.)

The dragon in question is actually a dentist in Kentish Town. I'd registered after many years without seeing a dentist at all (yes I know this is a very silly thing to do and I completely regret it now and I will never do it again, I promise) mainly because a bit of my tooth had chipped off just before Easter and obviously I needed to get it checked out. So I go there, fill out my form and wait..........

A lovely dental nurse, all smiles, totally gorgeous (why is it that most - and I say most, not all - dental nurses are bloody gorgeous? Is it a pre-requisite of working there? You have to look good to make up for the fact that the dentist is going to poke you with sharp things and rip your mouth apart? Who knows? But anyway, she was totally lovely and asking me questions.) led me into the room and I started to relax. Surely this can't be as bad as I'm thinking it will be?

Oh no, it could be so much worse. I walk in and the dragon says: "Okay. Sit down." With such an abrupt manner. She had no time for me, that was obvious. I mean, she didn't even introduce herself. I didn't even know her name. So I sit down, the lustre of the nice dental nurse swiftly wearing off. She asks me some very short questions, questions that required the shortest of answers, so she didn't actually have to give me much attention. 

I should have bolted then. I could see the dragon scales beneath her scrubs, but still I thought I must stick it out. She's a professional. She knows what she's doing and surely I must be in safe hands. Though when she started to breathe fire, I began to doubt that.

Within ten minutes of a supposed 30 minute consultation, she'd taken a look at my teeth, decided one, possibly two of them had to come out, had taken me for x-rays, yelled at me, treated like a piece of shit on her shoe and asked me to leave, saying I had until Friday (27th April) to make a decision on whether one or both of the teeth were coming out.

To say I was shell shocked was so far from the truth. I walked out of the room with several sheets of paper. I'd heard her say something about signing some sheets but I literally didn't have a clue what I was signing. It could have been giving up my flesh as her Sunday roast (I'm sure Dragons love a good Person Roast with all the trimmings.) So I sort of floated out in a haze of ......haziness and I dumped the papers on the reception desk.
"I think I'm supposed to sign something." I murmured weakly.
She'd sucked all the life from me. She'd made me feel so small. Like nothing. Like I was the skankiest person alive. Like I had the skankiest mouth and I should just be put down.

And as I was signing away my money and god knows whatever else, I really had to force back the tears. I was angry at myself for not visiting the dentist. Angry at myself for not shouting back at her. Angry at myself for not sticking up for myself and more than that, I was feeling sorry for myself. All in all, I had to fight to keep the tears back. I don't cry very often (as all who know me will vouch) but especially not in public and not at the hands of a bully.

I realised that I now had to make a decision about two different things none of which had been explained to me. One: why did my wisdom tooth have to come out? I had no pain and all she kept growling at me was the "Angle of the tooth." She pointed at the x-ray and yelled, "Look at the angle on that. Of course it has to come out." Oh yeah, because we're all frickin' experts on reading dental x-rays. Yeah, I took it as an additional module at uni. (Latin percussion followed by dental x-rays.)

What a penis! And two: I had to decide if the tooth that broke was worth fixing or if I was to have that out as well. Again she just pointed at the x-ray yelled a few times in dragon. (I'm not too familiar with that particular tongue). And so I left having no idea what to do about anything because she'd yelled at me and treated me like a piece of shit. I made it about four steps out the door before the first tear fell. Dammit! I tried so hard not to let it get to me, but it just felt like the minute I got things on track with my writing and I was happier and more productive and enthusiastic and even enjoying work more......then something had to go completely tits up, and this was it.

Of course the day didn't end there. I couldn't go crawl into bed and watch a marathon of depressing TV shows. I had to go straight to work and be in charge because my manager was off. Now there's something I really wanted to do.......

I had a stress nose bleed on the way to work which was lovely. I then broke down in the toilets, stopped myself, cleaned myself up and then went out to face the world. Ooops. It was way too soon, I should have stayed in there a bit longer. As soon as I came out, Soph asked me how it went and I broke down again. Hastily she dragged me off into the office and gave me a cuddle. (By the way Soph, I'm very much appreciated of this. I don't have many melt downs and normally when I do there's no on there. But it really helped to have someone to talk to about it and of course grab a cuddle. Thanks dear.)

Once we'd slagged off the evil wench a little, I did feel better and I made it into the classroom. The kids, picking up on my less than usual mood, were very cute and gave me loads of additional cuddles. Much appreciated. So, if you're going for a melt down, do it in an environment with children. They're great at bringing you back to life.

So, then followed days of paranoia on my part. Nightmares. Thinking constantly about my teeth and how they were going to all fall out. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't concentrate and poor A, I could barely hold a conversation. Everything I put in my mouth (I realise the sexual connotations, but please behave, I'm losing my mind here) I was panicking about. I'm not enjoying food. I'm just really freakin' out. 

Cue A and his wondrously calm personality. He arranges me an appointment at his dentists for a second opinion and manages to keep me from tearing my hair out. In the mean time I've bought new mouth wash and floss and am cleaning like a bitch! So today I got to talk to an actual dentist. Not a dragon. I had things explained to me in a courteous manner and I was actually treated like a human being. So that was nice. And whilst the outcome was pretty much the same, I had explanations for why things were happening, what needed to be done and the different options available to me. And that, is all I wanted in the bloody first place.

So despite the fact that I will still be saying goodbye to two of my teeth (one not my fault - an impacted wisdom tooth and the other completely my fault due to no dentist in about 8 years) I am happy that I know more about it and I understand there is no other option. The dragon may be a competent dentist but she should never be allowed to speak to people. No body deserves to be spoken to like I was. It's unprofessional and downright disgusting.

On a more pleasant note, the Orchestra case study that I mentioned last blog has me retaining my celebrity status at the Crowndale Centre in Camden. I had three emails via work today, telling me how amazing it was and that they can't wait for me to present it at the meeting in May. So in between teeth stressing I got a bit of a boost. Much needed.

I've learnt a valuable lesson over the past few days. I'm not quite as invincible as I first thought. Just because I'm not in pain doesn't mean I'm fine. So, you can guarantee I'll be getting doctor's appointments just for a general check up and regular dentists to keep on top of things.

I've always struggled to ask for help with things and this northern notion of being able to cope with anything, can back fire quite heavily. So maybe I'll embrace a bit of help, from professionals only (no dragons) and I can prolong this northern lady.

Thank you for reading.
Harry Potter Studio Tour on Friday. Giddy doesn't even cover it.

Happy Tuesday.....my Lord is it only Tuesday.