Unecessary willy sighting and the straight line fly.

A Monday blog. That hasn't happened in a while. But after last night's late night events it seemed wrong to wait any longer.

I had gotten the train back from visiting my folks and arrived back at Euston at about 11 ish. So it was getting a tad late and the wonderful motion of the train had already lulled me off to sleep once or twice en route. I competed with the crowds to the tube, annoyed that I had to wait 7 minutes for a High Barnet train and then once on the train, I saw a straight line fly.

What the hell is one of them, I hear you cry.

Well, it's a fly that flies only in a straight line. It was incredible (yes I was very tired and maybe there was still a little wine in the system). The fly flew straight through the middle of the empty carriage I was in, as though it had a goal, a clear purpose. And I found myself thinking, wow. I've never seen a fly not be distracted by something or someone. Maybe this one was intelligent and it couldn't be distracted by menial things like lights, take away wrappers and the need to annoy people. Maybe it had an elsewhere to be.

So okay, not a rant really, but a new discovery. I'd already uncovered the fact that there were clearly vampires in London and they use the Underground to travel on in daylight hours, but also that they are often accompanied by yellow ladybirds. So now, I have uncovered a new species of fly. I wonder if they are confined to the tube network or if they inhabit other forms of public transport?

Or maybe, I'm crazy???

Eek, now to move on to the other rather disturbing discovery of last night. That men have no qualms about where they whip their willies out. I was walking home, literally was two minutes away, headphones in, pulling my case along with me, lost in the land of loud rock music (Fair to Midland actually....ha ha. Can't stop listening to them. It's addictive.). I was just about to cross the road from Holmes Road where it filters into our Street, when I sensed someone stood on the corner. But by the corner, I mean, I could literally see his arm before I passed around the wall. But I was definitely not expecting him to be peeing against the wall, willy just out for all to see, which of course meant me, as I was the only unlucky one to have passed at that moment.

I'm not sure I managed to hide my look of disgust, before he died of shame and covered himself up. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, me or him. I just really didn't need to see that. I mean, when you've been with the same person for a very long time, you only see one and that's fine and familiar and not in anyway offensive, but when you're a huge British prude like myself you kinda think ewwww. I mean I see countless willies every day, it's part of the job, but they're all tiny and inoffensive. Ewwww. Ha ha. Well, if the walk hadn't woken me up, that definitely did. Ha ha.

In future boys, could you at least find an alleyway. I'm mean, with your ass facing the road and your body barely covered by the wall, you weren't exactly going for stealth peeing and stealth would be good, because even non prude Brits that like a good willy watch, they ain't gonna wanna watch you pee. Ewwww. Unless that's their particular fetish.

Weird.

Anyhoo, just one last rant, which is basically, why are Montessorians so superior. It's a stupid piece of paper that is mostly useless as it doesn't actually teach you anything to do with day to day care of children, such as toileting, feeding, sleeping and other care routines. It basically teaches you to think you're way better than everyone else. And they all think they're like rocket scientists or something. I mean it ain't difficult to figure out how to use the equipment. It's all common sense though granted not everyone possesses much.
But of course, along with the new manager, it's suddenly become a problem that I'm not Montessori trained. In that case, I'd love to see how they'd cope without me. I'm amazing at my job, but I'm also extremely cynical. The children in that nursery progress the way they do because I work there. Not because of the Montessori equipment, but because I'm well good and the kids love me and the parents love me. And............

Argh. Apologies, I realise I completely lost all sense of modesty. I think the unnecessary willy sighting must have unhinged me slightly. Ha! Oh well, enough ranting. Let's hope I don't get sacked. Or maybe let's hope I do. HA!!!

OOOO, finished Hunger Games trilogy. De-pressing! I bloody loved it, though not a lot went my way in the final book, which I didn't like. Ha ha. Just started a new book called The Radleys. Check it out, it's awesome. Vampires in suburbia and what's even better is it's British suburbia. Ha ha.

I'm off-ski.
Ciao for now.

Helen
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P.s, The original Montessori rant was much more explicit. I censored myself. Shocking what the world has come to.