A Trilogy of Excursions: Number 3 Death Valley

Okay, so another awesome adventure you can try if you're staying in Vegas or coming from Vegas and moving on elsewhere, is the rather scarily titled, Death Valley.

All The Sarky Traveller blogs now have a new home on thesarkytraveller.blogspot.com

Now as always we only had the day light hours to explore, so speed tourism came into play again. So here's how to do Death Valley in 8-10 hours.

Get up early.
Eat before you leave.
Fill up your tank on the way, there aren't many places to get petrol (gas) in the Valley itself.
Stock up on water, and lots of it. Yes it might go warm quickly, but warm liquid is better than no liquid.
And enjoy that morning desert light.

There are two main routes to Death Valley Junction, your first port of call. You can take the Interstate I15 , turn off on the 160 and join with Bell Vista Avenue. Or you can take the 95 North and drop down onto the 373 and over the border into California. Either way offers you scenic desert views and some creepy non towns, but your route will probably be determined by your sat nav, or where exactly you stayed in Vegas. We were at the South of The Strip, in which case there was no point winding all the way up North, though the journey would have only been a a few minutes longer. If you were staying North of Vegas then 95 route would be probably be easier for you.
Both journies were in the region of 1 hour 45 minutes, with the 95 North taking a projected five minutes longer.

Now we took the Bell Vista Avenue route and can't really comment on the other route, except to say that from the map there doesn't look to be much in the way of life. The odd little village but vastly spread out from the next one, so I can't guarantee you much in the way of entertainment. But if you go the way we went, here's what you'll see.

Leaving Las Vegas

On the 160 between Vegas and Mountain Springs

What I find funny, is the photo I took, above (on the 160...) is almost the same as the photo on Wikipedia if you google Blue Diamond Road, the nicer name for the 160. It's obviously a popular vantage point. 

So you get all the scenery, with some nice mountains and rock formations, plus the usual desert scrub. Then when you head towards civilisation in the form of Pahrump, a spralling town on the 160, that's when the real entertainment begins:

The road was littered with these election signs and it just so happened that two of the canditates had particularly amuzing names and these signs went on for miles! Judge Kim Wanker and Donna Cox. Nice!
Then I gave myself the task of finding Cox and Wanker, close enough together to get a picture of both at the same time. Now I'm not kidding this was difiicult. They were very well spread out,  probably for this very reason. Ha! But eventually I did it.

Yes!

I never did find out who won. Ah well never mind, it kept us highly amused. But if silly names aren't your thing, then what about giants??????

Wow! Now that's a giant!

Now once you've trawled through Pahrump, you will take a left on Bell Vista Avenue and that's when you leave civilisation behind again. And there are a couple of moments of fear, when you see the abandoned bars and truck stops and you think of course they're abandoned, they're miles from anything and who in their right mind would risk stopping there anyway. (and breath). But it's broad daylight and horror stuff only happens at night, right?????

The hills really do have eyes.

 The road is long, and mostly empty.

You pass by Ash Meadows Wildlife Reserve as the road swings round to the left on the final drag up to Death Valley Junction. Now, don't let your map of Death Valley (if you have one, we printed one out from the internet before we came just so we had a rough idea of what was going on.) confuse you here. When it says somewhere to eat and somewhere to stay, please don't expect much. In fact, take some pictures and get the hell out of there. 

 This is pretty much all you get. A motel, an opera house, which I thought was a joke but is in actual fact a working opera house that puts on a show every Saturday, and a cafe that wasn't open. Yes I was desperate for the toilet but no I was not stopping here. I'm gutted the abandoned swing set photo didn't come out, it was the epitome of creepiness.

And so from here it's about another 25 minutes or so to the pay station, sign and hole in the floor toilets.

Here you can pick up a park map, which is slightly bigger than the one we printed off the internet and great for those who don't have one at all. It shows you the best view points and places to visit. It also gives you relatively up to date 'park news'. And from here, it's time to start exploring. Obviously those people who are brave and want to visit ghost towns and brave the outback (off the beaten tracks), then good luck to you. That's nice. Those sensible people who want to stay over and have a couple of days of Death Valley, then there are two or three hubs of conurbation sprinkled around the park. But those of you on speed holidays, then here's what you can hope to see in a small number of hours.

Dante's View, overlooking the salt flats. Mesmerising first glimpses of Death Valley. Well worth it not only for the views but the lovely winding, steep road leading up to it.

Looking down on the road below.

There are a couple of short little trails you can take when up there and I warn you it is quite chilly up there, despite the sun, so make sure you have a couple of extra layers at hand, you will need them.

You begin to understand where they get the Death bit from......

An interesting point they make in the park guide is that there are hundreds of disused, abandoned mines around, but the park is so extensive that they are still discovering new ones and currently have no tally for how many there are. They also urge people not to be complete dicks and go exploring them. I mean, if you're that stupid then you sort of deserve what's coming to you but if you could please leave the nice abandoned mines to their own devices, that would be great! And people exploring the outback, watch your step, you never know what you could stumble into. 

Yay. Creepy abandoned mine.

We stopped here and got out of the car and the most terrifying thing was the silence. Actual silence. I had never experienced anything like that before. There wasn't even the stir of a breeze, nothing. I half expected the mining machinery to just burst into life. But there was nothing. I've never liked the idea of silence and now I've actually experienced it first hand, I hate it! Still that's something you definitely have to try and capture yourself. Though if you go in peak times you might struggle due to car noises or other tourists. Still the place is so big you should be able to find somewhere where you can revel in the silence.

Driving times between points of interest are often around 30-40 minutes, so just take opportunities to pull over and jump out of the car when you can. Some of the rock formations are incredible, the way they undulate and flow into one another. The colours vary as well as the shape and if you have a decent driving playlist, stick it on. This mighty place deserves a sountrack of epic proportions.

Bit of heat haze in the distance.

On the road to Zabrinskie point.

Here's the rest of the tourists.

A literal coach load of 'em.

So beautiful!

Awesome van thing, with a proper farmer Giles type in there with dungarees and the hat. All I needed was him chewing on straw and the look would have been complete. People watching is a must!

You probably can't see this very well but the sign says dip. The roads are essentially like roller coasters in parts. The dips are huge. There's lots of 'weeeeeeeee' and 'oooooooooo' as you complete the rally course. 

Continue on the dip road for only a few minutes and you arrive at Furnace Creek, the biggest village in the Valley of Death and home of The Death Valley National Park Visitor's Centre. 

We cheekily nipped in for the toilets but there's a cute gift shop, you can pic up more detailed maps and guides. There are post cards and books about Death Valley, animals that live there etc. Of course the one I picked up had to have a massive spider in it which made me paranoid the whole day. Ha! There are also rangers there to give advice and talks. And the best bit, in the toilets are the dehydration pee indicators. Just what colour is your pee? Are you dehydrated? Drink lots of water! Love it!

 Life in Death Valley

Around now, you're probably a little peckish, so just down the road in Furnace Creek is a hotel, golf course, general store, cafe and restaurant. Brilliant! Oh and just one tip if you're eating outside, don't feed the birds. I hadn't seen the sign until after I took pity on the lovely little birdy, but they probably are a menace especially when it's busy. Oh and if you don't want to splash out on the cafe, there are loads of sandwiches, fruit, snacks and stuff in the general store. 

Nice birdy, just don't feed him or the locals'll go ape shit.

Now to the reason for the name Death Valley and the chart of wonder:

 It was 27 degress centigrade on a late October day. Imagine July and August.....melting traveller.

Make sure you're suitably fed, watered and toileted, especially as you never know when you might find a flushable toilet again, and then it's time to continue the adventure, with Bad Water Flats. It's another 30minute drive or so, but this time you're in the heart of the valley, way below sea level. Watch out for the cayotes.

Yeah, he had no intention of moving out of the way. Wily little thing.

Flat by name, flat by nature.

Salt, salt and more salt.

The lowest point in North America.

Bad water, avec my silhouette.

Walking on the salt. Exposed.

Now, you really are exposed out there, so sun hats, sun cream and probably a covering of some sort are advisory. Or you could prance around in tiny shorts and a bikini top like some random idiotic woman whilst I was there. Asking for sun stroke. Honestly, just a few minutes out there and you're frazzled. There ain't no shade, just non stop heating. Walking on the salt is really cool though, so go as far as you can, but make sure you bring that bottle of water out of the car with you, you will need it!

Also, look out for the Sea Level sign, half way up the mountain behind the car park. That for me was a dodgy moment as I thought of the sea filling up the valley we were in. (Shudders at thought). Am not a fan of deep water and the idea of being 242ft within deep water was not a good thought for me. 

Anyhoo, next we made our way back down Bad water Road, to take in the sights on our way back towards Furnace Creek. First stop: The Devil's Golf Course. You have to take quite a gravelly road to get there, not the beautifully paved roads previously, so it will be a bit bumpy.

Wow!

Next there's the Artist's Drive which is a one way loop road, taking you through 3.7 miles of amazing colours. The road weaves right through the mountains, but it will take you quite a while despite it's relatively short milage. (It becomes a bit like English country miles.) 

Artist's Palette.

The road right in the thick of it.

Amazing colours.

Now at this point, we knew we had to start making our way out, essentially as we were planning to be in LA around 10ish. So we had a few decisions to make on what we could see before we left. Now there are so many other amazing things to explore but we chose to head for Stovepipe Wells taking in The Devil's Cornfield and The Stovepipe Dunes. But not before another Cayote held us up. I swear they moonlight as traffic wardens. Not that there was much traffic to warden.

Stop, stop, stop.

No, you're not coming in.

Looking across The Devil's Cornfield and Stovepipe Dunes.

It feels like someone just air lifted a section of the Sahara and dumped it. Truly bizarre but also incredible to see. And some of them are huge!

There were hole in the floor toilets here but they were completely infested with flies, so much so that you couldn't even lift the lid up. Nasty! If you are desperate here, do no fear, Stovepipe Wells Village is only a few minutes up the road and has a general store, hotel and a real flushable toilet with soap and everything. Amazeballs!

Non creepy Stovepipe Wells Village. A much needed stop off before the heinous drive out.

Okay, so if you're speed tourists and you want to be heading off elsewhere or in our case to LA, then this is around the time you want to be heading out of Death Valley. And believe me when I say this is easier said than done. No one tells you how long and difficult it is to rid yourself of the barren landscape and miles of nothingness. So I am telling you. The roads out of Death Valley are long, mostly empty of other vehicles and once the sun goes down, dark and creepy due to no lights. So, take off when you can and enjoy the sunlight before it disappears. Again there are a couple of options for getting out if you're heading to LA. I wanted to go one way but the sat nav told us a different way. I still think my way could have been less harrowing, but who knows.

The options are to take the 190 West and the 14. Or to take the 190 West and the 395. Now instead we took the 190 west for a while and then the sat nav said, oh take the Panamint Valley Road which sort of cuts across country and leads you to the Trona Wildrose Road and straight through the delightfully terrifying town of Trona. Trust me, don't take this way unless you enjoy fields of burnt out caravans and fearing every set of headlights behind you. I implore you to take one of the other routes and ignore the stupid sat nav. Because once you run out of daylight, you're at the mercy of Mr sat nav. And it ain't always fun. There is a distinct lack of civilisation on every route so hold in that wee and try not to drink too much. Also make sure petrol doesn't become an issue and that you have at least something to snack on. The last thing you need when you're unsure of your exact location is a grumpy man or woman. Sugary/salty snacks are great to keep the temper down and the hunger at bay. Believe me, you won't be eating for quite a few hours. 

Each route takes over four hours and so prepare yourself with a decent playlist, you will not be picking up radio here, and try to keep things light. Even if you're terrified. There will be a few signs of life the closer you get to LA but surprisingly, not that much. I honestly didn't realise it went LA and then nothingness and then Vegas. Even a mere 100 miles out from LA there's still only a distant flicker of lights on the horizon, foretelling what make come. And believe me, once you see those lights and the Dunkin' Doughnuts on every corner, you know you're safe. 

Sorry I couldn't sugar coat the way out but it was quite scary and difficult to escape. Saying that though, I'm sure if you didn't take the stupid sat nav 1st choice and took one of the other routes, it could have been much more pleasant. 

Some may think six hours drive to get in and out, with only around 6-7 hours there exlporing, is a bit much, but it is totally worth it. Death Valley is incredible and obviously if you stay over in the lovely Furnace Creek or Stovepipe Wells then you don't have to do your drive out in the dark, which would of course be lovely.

Okay, so that is speed tourism in Death Valley and the completion of The Trilogy of Excursions from Vegas. You see, it's not just casinos and insane hotels, it's state hopping, dam busting, canyon exploring, valley escaping and so much more. Next time I'll be frollicking through the streets of LA, quite literally and cycling the beaches. Now you can't do that in October in Britain. Well you could but they'd probably put you away for insanity or hospitalise you for hyperthermia.

Until then, keep travelling.

The Sarky Traveller. 

(Yes I realise how much that just sounded like the sign off from Strictly Come Dancing. Was unintentional.)

(Oh and my spell check is not working so if I've made some stupid errors then, oops.)

A Conglomeration of Rants: Long Overdue

It's been a while since I had a good rant and rave. (It's definitely been a long time since I've had a rave.) So I've been storing some of these up for a special occasion, one such as this. And that is, a train journey up North to see my folks. It feels like ages since I've been home. I'm actually looking forward to the few degrees lower temperatures, the inevitable rain and possibility of snow. But most of all a change. Who knows, my beloved North may inspire me. (I wonder if it will inspire me enough to help me write an ending to that blasted picture book I'm writing.)

And so I begin with a common ranting post of mine: Buses! I mean, honestly, just when you start to get used to the cursed things you encounter the abusive bus user yelling, "This mother fuckin' bus. Mother Fucker. This mother fuckin' bus," over and over. And couple that with the smell of dried in wee and suddenly I'm back to square one: Bus hatred once more.

How sad are Orangutans? No really, it's a serious question. They are one of the most miserable species of animal. (I said one of the most....I'm not discounting Chameleons with their grumpy little pouts).  It's just every time you see one, albeit in captivity, they have the saddest eyes. Eyes screaming to be set free, eyes screaming for more. I'll never forget Kevin the Orangutan from Berlin zoo. I wanted to take him home, or at least give him a cuddle. Poor thing.

What sparked the Orangutan question? Well, it actually came up when I was watching You've Been Framed and there were a few zoo clips. And there was this Orangutan sat in a tree and he curled up into a ball and covered himself with a piece of cardboard. Broke my heart. It was like a homeless orangutan.

24 irritates the hell out of me! Just finished season 6 and from about 2 episodes in I already hated half the cast and the usual twoing and froing. Jack Bauer is essentially an over excited dog, panting for trouble. He gets his own way all the time by using the word 'dammit' at the beginning of the sentence. That one little word allows him to manipulate his superiors all the way up the chain to the freakin' President. Really, does no one have any balls anymore? If he's not supposed to do something, just tell him no, but then Jack turns on the 'dammit' and suddenly every one's on board.

Maybe he's magical and can access other people's thoughts and feelings? Maybe he's a warlock? Maybe he's a robot! Yeah, I think I've got it! He's a robot that can manipulate others to his way of thinking. He's a robot that actually has his own thoughts and opinions and forces them on others.

Dammit. You know I'm the only one who can do this so.........

Oh yes mighty Jack, we bow down to you. Anything you say.

God, if he really is the only one that can do all the things he's done, then they really need to start training up some newbies. At least have a couple of backups, just in case the president grows some balls and actually says no at one point. You never know, it could happen.......(Though I do realise those of you who have seen all 8 series will know if this is the case or not. Please don't inform me. I will eventually find out for myself, but I'll need to leave a few months between the next series because it just gets on my tits!)

He also manages to put the blame on everyone else as well. You must do this or something will happen and it will be on your head. He guilt trips them.

Also, no one ever sleeps or eats, or drinks, or uses the toilet. Realistic? I think not. That many men with no food in them would be a disaster in the making. They'd be fighting each other for a bacon barm I'm sure. I bet all the women of CTU have a secret stash of chocolate or something, otherwise they'd be gouging each other's eyes out. And no water would mean radioactive pee colours. Besides most women need the toilet at least two or three times in a working day and if your working day was 24 hours, the guys would have to shit several times. Sorry to point out the obvious, but they just don't make it human or believable. But I guess that's not what we want is it? Who wants humanity and believability? We want pure twaddle. We want one man saving the world all by himself and all in one day. Really? Is that what we want?

I guess after 8 series it would be a resounding yes. Still I retain my negative opinions and annoyance. Oh and CTU get some better security, considering the nature of your organisation because CTU's computers were breached about 3 times in a day and you were broken into through a sewer access thing. Hmmmm. All sounds a bit sloppy to me.

Anyhoo to misspoken names and hidden letters:

I've recently renamed the Blu Ray player as the Blu Risk player. It just came out one night as we were talking about blue rays, but I think I was trying to say something like blue ray disc all in one and it came out Blu Risk. It kinda stuck. I like it.

Games of Thrones and Downtown Abbey. These are A's favourite slip of the tongues. I keep trying to remind him there aren't multiple games of thrones. It's one big game, but it doesn't seem to matter. It's stuck. Also, Downtown Abbey...ha ha. 'You can always go Downtown'. I did make the point that as is it up in Yorkshire then they would pronounce it Downton even if was spelt Downtown, he still doesn't get it.

Another of my technology slips is HDML instead of HDMI, when selecting which port is operating what in the living room. I know it's not HDML but again it's stuck. Endearing, I hope, but I can't guarantee.

Anyone seen that Perle de lait yoghurt advert? Man she needs a slap in the face. Preferably from my fist. And don't get me started on the bloody Macdonalds advert with the mum asking her new man to move in. So when in that situation all you need is shit fast food and then it's water under the bridge. What the fuck? I don't think so. As if teenagers don't already rule the roost, this just encourages them to take everyone for as much as they can. Angry! Yeah, let's bribe everyone with shitty food. Whoop! That'll make the family bond.

The unemployment toilet roll issue. No one warns you how much toilet roll you go through when you're at home all the time. When you're both working from home it's ridiculous. See, going out to work is good for one thing......less toilet roll used in the house. Ha!

And finally, outrage at the BBC cancelling The Hour, one of the best written, clever, intelligent, witty, thrilling and enthralling series they've produced in a long time, possibly ever! When you think of some of the tosh that graces our screen, no wonder I rarely watch TV, but The Hour is something worth paying your TV licence for. I signed the petition online and I hope upon hope they reconsider a terrible decision. BBC come on, pull your finger out of your arse and realise what you're throwing away here.

Bridesmaid shopping tomorrow. Oh dear lord. Better turn on what little femininity I have. Okay strike that, I'll just delve into the memory vault and remember a time when I was girly......No. That didn't work either. Shit. Ah well, there's always wine!............






Continued after a day of Bridesmaid shopping. Oh dear Lord. What a day.



So let me paint the scene for you. 4 bridesmaids all different shapes and sizes. Two with boobs, two without (Ha!) and no common likes, except that sister of the bride wants long and everyone else wants knee length.
Now me, I'm just like I'll wear whatever. Let's face it, if it's not a dress over jeans I'm not really on board so I know I'm never going to love it, but if I can avoid looking like a mong that'll do.

But four women, plus a bride, plus the brides mother and the groom's mother became too many women really. Lots of oestrogen floating around and far too much strong willed stubbornness really. Still, never a dull moment. And I wore a back less dress for about five minutes, which was definitely a new experience.

We trawled through shops, finding the tackiest most hideous dresses we could, disagreeing on everything and annoying the hell out of the bride. (Sorry for that NT) But eventually we were saved with food and a bottle of wine, much needed!

The afternoon became one of the most random afternoons ever! We got a taxi to some dodgy estate in Manchester, a couple of miles from Victoria, though the taxi driver was a dick and took us all the way to Middleton. We questioned where he was taking us and then he decided it was our fault and that we shouldn't have even used his taxi company. Knob rot! He, a taxi driver, told us we shouldn't have called his taxi firm. Hmmmm. He's great at his job. And what's even better is that he continued to take us to the place he thought we were going to, even after we gave him the right address and postcode. As if we were suddenly going to just get out and say, yeah this'll do.

Anyhoo, the meter is going up and up and up. And LT (sister of the bride) is getting angsty on the back seat, describing ways she's going to hurt him if he tries to charge us for this ridiculous journey, that should have taken 10 minutes and actually took about 40minutes. CT is wetting herself laughing so much she can't stop and I'm texting the bride NT who had to sit in the front alongside the now angry taxi driver, to check she's okay.

So we roll up on this dodgy estate, with people out the front of their houses in pink dressing gowns at 3 in the afternoon and we're late for our appointment with some woman who makes dresses and has an ebay store and all the rest of it. And the taxi driver says; "Just call it £25.00." He he. LT says, "You can have a tenner. Who's got a tenner." Then we all pile out and LT throws a tenner at him. "You can have a tenner or you can call the police!" Wow. Don't mess with LT. So he gets on the phone straight away but was obviously scared of the 7 of us and the dodgy estate and thought sod this, it's just not worth it.

So we all stare at the strange little house and hope amongst hope that we not only find a dress for everyone, but also make it back out alive. There's a dog, a beautiful little husky pup, with one blue eye, one brown eye and boxes of dresses everywhere. So we have a look and they try on a couple but stripping down to your bra in a strangers house, with the curtains open is not something we're all used to. So I avoid it for a while and then just when you think things can't get any worse, the mother of the groom says, "I think you're dog's gonna be sick. Love, I think your dog's gonna be sick." And several seconds later he was sick, on the floor right by all the dresses. Hmmm, there's nothing like dog sick to get you in the mood for bridesmaid dresses.

At this point, we'd managed to find a dress that three of us liked and we started the process of stripping and trying it on. Couldn't get the blasted zip up but we even persuaded LT to try it on and lo and behold, she liked it. Though after the taxi ride from hell and the dog sick, I think I would have said yes to anything, just to get out and have it done.

"Did I just see a chicken?" Asked CT, looking out the back window.
"Not one chicken but three."
I half expected some birds to fly in, or a tiger to walk down the stairs. Madness!

Then we called a taxi company that actually knew where they were going and we got back to Manchester in record time for £6.70. That's more like it. Then there were shoes, but I won't go into that. It's safe to say they are bought and we all have the same, so that's enough. Then we headed to the pub as I needed a hefty vodka.

Really, I couldn't have made up the events of yesterday. Not even my brain could imagine that. I think the final straw was the dog sicking up in the corner and him eating it. Nom Nom.

Well thankfully that's over! Stressful as ken. Man this wedding malarchy is a right ball ache. Well done to all the women and men that bother with it. Sounds too much like hard work for my liking.

Anyhoo, this is getting long.
Last few hours up North before train to London later.
If I could avoid dog sick for a while, that would be good.

A Trilogy of Excursions - Number 2 Grand Canyon - The Sarky Traveller 5

It's time for another excursion with the Sarky Traveller. This time I take you to the mother of all canyons, in The Grand Canyon State of Arizona......Yes, you guessed it, The Grand Canyon.

All The Sarky Traveller blogs now have a new home on thesarkytraveller.blogspot.com

Around a four and a half hour drive from Las Vegas, you find yourself asking, is it worth it? If your answer at this point, isn't yes, then shame on you. Of course it's worth it and surely you can never have too many road trips, per holiday.

Okay, so the road is long and there aren't too many distractions along the way, but if travelling in daylight you pass the Hoover Dam, well worth a look (see previous blog) and the opportunity to join the World famous and romanticised Route 66. Sadly we were driving as the sun went down, so no scenic Route 66 for us.

Still, you make the most of what you've got: Pretty clouds and Pylons!

Now, daylight trippers heading to Grand Canyon Village and The South Rim, may be drawn in by the prospect of The Grand Canyon Skywalk. The idea of being able to walk on a glass platform, looking down thousands of feet to the canyon below you, might blow your mind. (Or in the case of me, scare the bejeezers out of you.) But if that doesn't blow your mind, the price will. The cost of this little diversion will set you back $73, which is broken down to $43.05 for a pass to the Hualapai Reservation that it stands on and $29.95 to walk on the glass. Oh, and guess what? You can't even take pictures.

Say what?

You're fleecing me out of the best part of £50 English pounds and I can't even take a sodding photo. It's not the pissin' Sistine Chapel. A photograph won't tarnish the paint. It's rocks and stuff. They're pretty solid and it's a canyon, a natural wonder formed over hundreds and thousands of years. What bullshit!

Anyhoo. If you like to throw money down the drain, or the canyon in this case. Go ahead. But what you might prefer is to explore a little more than this tiny segment of the 277 miles of canyons. And heading for Grand Canyon Village will give you just that, a platform from which to explore and get the most out of your trip.

Okay, so continuing on the I40, you pass by Kingman, Williams and Flagstaff. We stopped at Kingman for food as it was around half way. We notched up another tally on our American fast food chains, this time plumping for a Wendy's. Cheap, cheerful and great when you're on the move. But Kingman has plenty else to offer if you have the time, including bowling lanes, a Route 66 museum and many restaurants and lodgings.

Williams: around 60 miles from the National Park is home to The Grand Canyon Railway. Many people choose to stay here and then take the scenic trains to the South Rim. Taking just over 2 hours and giving you roughly 4 hours there before the return journey, it is definitely worth it for train geeks and those who like to take things at a more leisurely pace. And when the train looks like this, go on, I admit it, it looks pretty darn cool!

Now, Flagstaff is another option. It's a further 35 miles East on the I40 and connects to the National Park via the 180. Flagstaff is home to The University of Northern Arizona; The Lowell Observatory where Pluto was first spotted in the 30's and one of the largest Ponderosa Pine Forests in the country. It also sits below the San Francisco Peaks, the tallest mountains in Arizona. Again, if you have a few days here, you might want to use it as a base from which to explore the canyon, or as a great place to fill up and eat. Being a University Town there is a lot going on including sports and night life, with plenty of options for food and accommodation.

And finally, at the junction of 180 and state route 64 is the weird little town of Valle. Attractions include Bedrock: A Prehistoric Park billed as the home of The Flintstones; An aircraft museum and an extremely run down, must be out of a horror movie, motel. Wow! I don't advise staying there if you can help it.

Now, if you are on a tight schedule and are taking part in speed tourism, like myself, then staying in the heart of Grand Canyon Village, gives you the opportunity to wake up to views like this, just a short walk from your lodge:

First Impressions.

There are several lodges accommodating for most budgets, the priciest being The El Tovar Hotel. With other lodges such as Hopi house, Verkamps and The Bright Angel Lodge with more affordable rooms. 

N.B Book accommodation in advance for these places, as they will sell out fast, especially in the peak of the tourist season. Also watch out as some hotels close for the winter, from around end of October/beginning of November.

 Okay, so if you are lucky enough to stay in the heart of it all, in the village, you will likely awake to views that literally baffle you.

Is it worth it? I think it speaks for itself. And those who opted out of the road trip are now kicking themselves. 

Now, what I didn't mention was The National Parks pass for The Grand Canyon, which is $25 per car and lasts a week, much better value than that silly Skywalk thing. This can be purchased from one of the booths as you drive through and needs to be displayed in the car. 

Also, make sure you take your winter gear with you. I'm talking hats, gloves, scarf, big coat, maybe even a waterproof as you never quite know what the temperature is gonna be. When we arrived it was late-ish but still it was baltic. Plummeting desert temperatures and not an urban heat island effect in sight, meant I had to run into the lodge, put on knee high socks, boots, my coat and scarf just to warm up. A far cry from the heat of Vegas. And a rude awakening. So don't be caught out.

When we started out in the morning it was once again, feckin' freezing, but within an hour or so we were taking layers off piece by piece. Basically, treat the Grand Canyon like a trip out to the English Countryside and account for every eventuality. I'm talking sun cream, waterproof coat, woolly hat, scarf, gloves, jumper, sun glasses, sun hat and the staple of Britishness, an umbrella. Though I have to say we didn't encounter rain, but who's to say you won't. So in the words of the Scouts and The Hyenas and Scar from The Lion King: Be prepared! ('Cause that temperature change is a bitch!)

Bright Angel Lodge

Now, the absolutely fabulous thing about The Grand Canyon, is the free bus services. You can hop off and hop back on. Services are roughly every fifteen minutes and with most routes you are able to walk between stops too. 

Some routes are unavailable to private vehicles, so you can hire bicycles, walk the trail heads or take the buses. Some routes are also closed for the winter months due to ice and snow. So if travelling after the end of November, check ahead to see what routes are available to you, to avoid disappointment. 

The drivers of the buses are very knowledgeable and enjoy answering questions. And if like us you did the walk a few stops, hop back on thing, then you're likely to bump into the same driver on multiple occasions. It's like, Oh, you again. 

Oh and super important, before you leave your lodge or The visitors centre, fill up your water bottles, because there is no where to buy bottled water, on the Hermit Road Route. These filling stations are clearly marked on your map of the park and within hotels and lodges, and are a great way to minimise not only rubbish, but our carbon footprint too. 

Setting out from Trailview Overlook, heading towards Maricopa Point. Not only incredible views, but amazing clouds!

Continuing along to Powell Point by foot. In between these points are very short distances and are easily walkable. If you have loads of time, then why not walk the whole way to Hermit's Rest and then take the bus back? It's only a few miles and you get to skirt the edge of the South Rim. Mesmerising.

Vegetation Shock

Shadow of the clouds.

One of my favourite bits.

Powell Point

Now some might think it gets a little samey. And it does. But then it becomes a game. Much like cloud gazing, where you find shapes or objects in the clouds, this would be canyon gazing, and boy do you see some interesting things. Of course not every one sees things the same way, which is exactly where the fun comes into it.

 And yes, alot of them look like UFO's, but my favourite had to be the pie, with a slice taken out of it.

Genius! Anyhoo as you're meandering round you suddenly realise all this was made by a river, yet this river hasn't appeared yet. But eventually between Monument Creek Valley, Pima Point and Hermit's Rest you get your first glimpses:

Monument Creek Valley

Pima Point Rapids

Hermit's Rest (The end of our first trail)

Once you've exhausted either yourself, or the Hermit's Road, then hop on the bus back to the Village and start all over again. There are two more options for routes around the South Rim, one that you can drive yourself (Desert View Drive) and another bus route (The orange route to Yaki Point). Now, the Yaki Point route was closed when we went and as we didn't have time for all three, it very nicely allowed us to jump back in the car, grab some lunch and head off along Desert View Drive in search of The Watchtower. 

The Watchtower at Desert View.

A 25 mile road along the East Rim, takes you to Desert View. Along the way are many look out points and information points. We rode all the way to the end and then snaked our way back. Once you get to Desert View there are toilets, water filling stations, a post office, general store and little cafe, as well as an information centre and small visitors centre. 

That pesky river.

Inside the tower

Beautifully ramshackle!

Now, making our way back to The village, we stopped at Navajo Point, Lipen Point, The Tusayan Museum and Ruins, Moran Point and Grandview Point. Navajo and Lipen Points offered the best views of the Colorado River and the Tusayan Museum offered an insight into some of the indigenous tribes people that live on the land. 

Tusayan Ruins

And that is what you call speed tourism. The South Rim and East Rim of The Grand Canyon, done, in a matter of 18 hours, including drive and sleep. Whoop! And what we didn't see, probably wasn't worth seeing. Okay, that's slightly wrong. Of course, hiking down to the bottom and back up the other side would have been mesmerising, (North Rim) but would have taken at least 2 days and to be honest wouldn't have been available at the time of year we went. Probably best though. It's always nice to come back from holiday without emotional scarring or an inevitable injury or something.

So, to summarise:

• The Grand Canyon is freakin' huge and large parts are inaccessible. Don't expect to see the whole of it and depending on the time of year, certain routes will be closed.

• Try not to fall for the Skywalk thing and especially don't fall off it. Eek. Not the most valuable use of your time and you won't have any evidence to show for it. 

• Come prepared for anything! Winter gear, summer provisions and plenty of water, or empty bottles to fill up.

• If staying in the Village, book accommodation as early as possible. You won't find any Vegas style last minute deals here. 

• On the long journey, make a few stops, explore a few places and look out for points of interest along the way:

1. School buses in really remote areas. The mind boggles. 
2. Post boxes. These stereotypical American mail boxes are often miles from the actual house. 
3. Pretty clouds and interesting rock formations. 
4. Shrubs. 
5. And more often than not, pylons. Pylons are usually the only things to break up the monotonous but still beautiful desert landscape.

• If you can, take a drive on part of Route 66. 

• Oh, and if you find it all getting a bit samey, play the canyon gazing game and see what shapes you can find in the rocks. 

That's all for now, but the third and final excursion: Death Valley, will soon be upon us. Watch out for that and keep reading, otherwise I'm just blabbering to myself.

The Sarky Traveller