The List

In a week that has filled our news feeds with malfunctioning capes, dresses of indeterminate colours and escaping Llamas, I felt it about time I added to the randomness by revealing my fully updated list of inanimate objects and their names.

I am a self confessed namer of inanimate objects, possibly something to do with the writer in me, but I love a good name, and I have even, on occasion been asked to name other people's inanimate objects.

A List of the Named Inanimates:  2015

The Beast - My very old and very loyal laptop (about 7 years old and still in use). I wrote the first two and half novels on him and undertook about twenty five edits on there. He means a lot to me.

Mini Red – My portable laptop thing. Not many train journeys undertaken without it - until I lost the power cord. Ooops. 

Albus – My new computer, all shiny and bright. We love Albus until Windows 8 does that annoying thing were it decides there's not enough memory and shuts everything down. Then we question Albus and occasionally shout. 

Frank – My Ipod. He’s slow and old, but I love him. He accompanies me every time I leave the house, and despite having a shit camera, captures a few memories along the way too. 

Ike – My very old 2^nd Generation Nano from 2005 ish. A leaving present from my job back then. And it still works, and the music on there is even better than on Frank. I must collate the two. 

Geoffrey – The old Shredder. Maurice - The new shredder.

Pearl – The most compact Fridge/Freezer ever, and a life saver for tiny flats. Sadly Pearl sputtered out and we replaced her with another white compact fridge/freezer, which I named No Frills, due to it not even containing a brand name.  

Reginald – The Toaster. On its last legs for over two years. Only toasts one side and then you have to change it over. All due to a raisin flame. Ooops. But he's part of the Flat, so we do our bit and toast one side then the other. 

Neville – The Breville kettle, as close to the old one as we could get. (Neville the Breville. He he.)

Leonard – My Camera. He's a Lumix. Even my friends refer to him as Leonard.

Burt – The new BT hub. Feel guilty I didn’t name the previous one.

Melvin – The metronome I use during my music lessons. The kids love him.

Eddie – The new-ish printer. It was a hard day when I said goodbye to the old one. Took him to the tip and had to drop him into a skip with the other unwanted electricals. Sad times. But Eddie does alright, despite the dodgy wi-fi connection.

Sam – The Eagle keyring on my keys. I like to think of him as the protector of my keys. Plus nice memories from our 2010 trip to US and Canada, when I bought him, and actually saw eagles. 

Terry – My external hard drive and keeper of photographs, music and files.

Sirius – The new sexy oven, complete with lights and display that work. And all these extra modes, like pastry and pizza.

And of course the Flat, which we aptly and rather unoriginally refer to as if it's an entity of its own - Flat 19. 

Giving something a name, somehow fills it with personality. A name is not just a word, or a label, it's more than that. It's a sign that whatever it is belongs somewhere and that someone cares about it, and if that makes me twelve raisins short of a fruit cake, than so be it. I don't find it any different to naming the characters that exist in my head and on paper. They are technically non existent, fictitious, imaginary beings that only I can see and interact with. But that doesn't make them any less real. I love to name. I love to build a personality around that name, and yes I become attached to silly things, like my computer and my Ipod, and the characters in my head, but how is that any less relevant than which escaped Llama you want to be, or which mythical character you could have been in a past life? 

Thank you and Happy Sunday

Rants