Passport Picture Mong Out

It's been a while since I've had a real, old fashioned rant, but the wait is over.

So it's been ten years since I got my first ever passport - I know, slow off the mark as always - but in those ten, fabulous, travel filled years, I've done so much more then I ever thought I would, and I've been to some incredible places. Once I renew, I'll be continuing the trend. But there's that one hideous step that stands in the way between you and your new passport: dun dun duuuuuuuuun: the passport photograph. *cue dramatic choral music*

Yes, it's the worst thing about any type of ID, it's the freakin' photograph. And for your passport you have to jump through even more hoops than usual, just so you can look as miserable and disgusting as possible, and be immortalised like that for ten years. NOOOOOOO!

One of the worst things is not being allowed to wear my glasses. This is completely shit and more than annoying because I'll be wearing them when I go through customs, so why not on the photographs? Plus I feel all kinds of naked without them, and they hide part of my face which is always a bonus.

Then of course, I'm not allowed to smile, which is actually the worst thing ever! And not only that, but you are not allowed to show your teeth or even smile with your mouth closed. You have to keep a neutral expression, which is basically your default setting which you use when by yourself, when reading, concentrating and generally not being in contact with other human beings. Otherwise you would be expressive and you would smile and try to look nice.

I just can't understand why we're not allowed to smile. If they think it's because people look different when they smile, then they would be right, but generally people look a helluva lot better when they smile - unless you're one of those people that can actually pull off the neutral expression, in which case you're probably on board with this rule and I'm sorry but if you are one of these people, I don't think we can be friends. If they just let us smile on the photograph, then in order to prove who we are at customs, we'd have to smile going through. Winner. That would make customs such a pleasant environment. Everyone would be happy - which in most circumstances they are, because they're going on freakin' holiday!

And then there's loads of other rules, but they are all in place to make you look the worst you possibly can, even though you're looking at yourself in the photo booth mirror before it takes the picture and you're thinking, not too shabby. Not great, but not minging. Oh, ho, ho, how wrong you are.

What they show you is some weird, electronic, alien, hybrid with just enough of your features to be recognisable as you, but not enough to really be you. It makes you want to cover your face and never reveal it again in public. I don't know how they do it, or why they do it, but it's evil and it has to stop. I was actually in genuine terror that I might look as haggard as I was portrayed in this alien version of myself. I felt I needed to apologise for my own face. Nothing else in life has ever made me do that, just the freakin' photo booth for these sodding passport photographs.

         
I just had to trawl through photographs to realise that I'm not quite as butt ugly and haggard as the photo booth made me out to be. I would feel so much more comfortable doing any one of these faces every time I went through customs. I vote for fun passport photos, all the way!

So I think it would be better if you were allowed a more 'anything goes' sort of scenario for your passport. You can pull a face, smile, heaven forbid show your teeth, or give a thumbs up, but whatever you do it has to replicated at passport control and customs. Done! People would be happier, customs officers would use more smiles than frowns, job satisfaction at border control would escalate and the world would be a better place all round.

Instead they keep us looking down trodden, miserable and taking the form of these weird alternate creatures from Mong town, Mongsville.

I made a few improvements to my left over photograph. I think this would look much better.

Oh well, I only have to use it for 10 YEARS. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


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