The January Malfunction

Ah, it's that time when everyone announces their resolutions for a 'new you', a 'new year' and of course they fall flat on their face in a matter of days. Like those people attempting the Dryanuary. He he. You can't just quit cold turkey after supping all month, that's gonna wreck the body and drag your sanity down with it. Expecting people to cope through the rapid come down which is January is hardly going to be easier without alcohol. Okay, obviously it is a nice way to raise money for breast cancer and I hope those doing it raise a lot of money. But really? In January?

Anyhoo, I didn't bother with the old resolutions, I never do, but I know what I want this year anyway, it's the same thing I've wanted for the last five; to finish the god damn novel and get it out there. It's been around 2 years since my last submission and subsequent rejection, now it's time to get out there and do it all again. Whoop!

And it's also my year for fundraising again. I do some sort of running event, every other year - because I'm a lazy arse and can't do too many or I'll break -  and this year it could be The Great North run, plus a couple of other shorter races. Fingers crossed I get in through the ballot as I've always wanted to do it, despite it being even further up North than I'm from and therefore subject to adverse weather conditions, whilst also running 13.1 miles. Fun, fun, fun. Still, it's on the list and this year just might be my year.

So that's my year planned. The usual. Music classes, writing a shit load, getting the China blogs out through The Sarky Traveller and doing some running to raise money for my charity. Done! You don't need a resolution, just a plan. Oh and chuck in a couple of weddings and a holiday, hopefully to Chicago! 2014 sorted. Oh, and if we could throw in copious amount of cocktails and movies with friends, that would also be good. Okay, I think I'm done now.

Anyhoo, I have started on a complete tangent. What I was going to talk about was the inevitable January malfunctions. I don't know if anyone else experiences these but yesterday I was having a right coordination/body malfunction. I managed to get the hiccups at three different times in the day but those painful ones that take ages to go away, no matter how many times you stand on your head, or gulp water or your boyfriend attempts to scare you in the most unscary way ever.

Then I seemed to lose the ability to drink without spilling it all over myself. And then I kept laughing whilst drinking and having to spit it out (in the sink). What the feck! Whilst eating my lunch I also managed to send the food completely the wrong way, though I'm not sure how, all I have to do is put the damn stuff in my mouth, causing a five minute coughing fit . Well done me.

It didn't help that every time I laughed or coughed or moved, I was in pain, due to my belly, butt and thigh blaster DVD. Wow, I actually have abs. I was unaware of this until I awakened them from their cosy, fat plumped sleep. I even have side obliques, whatever the hell they are and they are evil. I think I want them to go back to sleep. Ha ha.

Anyhoo, that's just preparing me for the torture of training for another half marathon. Which is all self inflicted, I know. But aside from the body malfunctions, my printer has had it. After several long years of servitude the error message: service required has come up and there is no way to bypass it, which means......a new printer. Ahhhhhhhh! I hate change. Why do my appliances not realise that?

So of course we start looking around for a new printer but you can't just have a printer, you have to have a scanner, photocopier, arse wiper and shoe polisher combined. And you look at it and think....mmmm, that'll last about a year if I'm lucky. I don't want something that will break in a short amount of time. I want something robust. My printer has been with me through thick and thin, through countless full print outs of the novel, and we're talking hundreds of pages. It's been there for all the photographs I've printed out to make scrap books and all sorts of picture books and gifts. It's been there for music class certificates and progress reports and of course submissions to agents. The fact that it still works and has a shit load of ink in it, is just a slap in the face. Because despite only one tiny thing needing replacing, I can no longer use it without replacing that part and to do that would probably cost twice as much as one of these new fangled, does everything printers.

I just want my old printer back. Wah. Wah. I am a lover of vintage tech and I'm not afraid to say it. The computer I am writing this on is about 6/7 years old. My non-smart phone is coming up for seven years old. And of course my printer was about 5/6 years old too. All this new stuff is great, but it's not made to last. It's made to last just about enough time until the fucking upgrade is available and I don't like to upgrade. I like to use things until I wear them out, not discard them for a new one, or have to discard them because they have a purposefully short life span.

There are so many things changing and for the good most of them, but I could do with my vintage tech staying the same, at least for a little while. Too much change and I might just self destruct in a poof of rants and curses.

Enough whining, I guess. I have to go and pick up a child from school, part of my bizarre self employment, and I am still in PJ bottoms due to the fact that I was saturated this morning, in a torrential downpour. And, I was stupid enough to not wear a hat or waterproof coat, so I can't even complain about it. Total idiocy on my part.

Anyhoo, have a great Tuesday, hopefully without malfunctions of any kind. And I'll rant for you again soon.
Rants