Dodging ducks, dogs and small people. The Segway Edition.

The Segway Experience

Oh dear Lord. Helen on a Segway. Two words sum up this experience perfectly: Stressful and Scary.

I'd bought A the Segway experience as part of his Christmas present and seven months later we were finally ready to embark. From Reading it was only a short train journey to the mythical Winnersh, which we felt was missing a vowel (winnerish) and found it difficult to remember the name of. We ended up on one of those lovely local trains, full of stations and places you've never heard of, including the mysterious Winnersh Triangle (yes Winnersh was big enough to have two stations). Perhaps that is the place where trains disappear without a trace?????? Though we managed to go straight through so maybe not.

Ah, walking through suburbia.

With some excellent written instructions including, 'take the path with the wooden snail and cross the bridge', I navigated us to the Dinton Pastures Country Park. It was like Orienteering, without the map. Ha ha.
Actually, I think I would have been much better at Orienteering if it was following written instructions instead of attempting to navigate myself to a pink circle, whilst following contours and other geographical features. I definitely respond better to the written word.
It's my fing innit. (In the style of Daniel Beddingfield from bo Selecta) (About three people will actually get this.)

Anyhoo, we made it to the activitiy centre of Dinton Pastures Country Park and waited for our instructor. It was quite cool actually, they had kayak's and canoeing and sailing and climbing walls and stuff. There were loads of people getting involved. Nice.

I kept getting the giggles as all I could think about was Gob from Arrested Development, who just appeared on a segway in so many scenes. He he. Giggling and control of segway are not conducive. Fact!

Look at me in my safety gear.......Looking good in helmet, high vis vest and gloves (which I put on the wrong way round at first......remedial!)


 

We had a practice first on this little course, going round a circuit, up and down inclines and over uneven ground and if you watch the video attached to this, you will see the speed demon herself. Helen 'Segway' Richards, beautifully edited on imovies by A....of course.

I was fine on the course, after a somewhat shaky start but then he unleashed us on the world. (And by the World, I mean the unlucky general public that happened to be in the park at that time.) That's when it became stressful and scary. It wasn't just my life in danger anymore, it was other people's. He may have joked about running over ducks and dogs and small children, but for me it was a big risk. It was no joke.

The first hurdle was a bridge. I was fine, it was just coming off the other end when I was going way too fast and I took the corner like a crazy person. (You feel like you're going so fast, like no one would ever catch you, but the top speed was 7mph, 6.5mph on mine. Not sure why he didn't trust me with the extra 0.5 but I'm glad he didn't. 6.5 was quite enough.) Then I somehow lost control, ended up at top speed and when you reach the capped speed the foot board tilts and then it's really hard to keep control again. So this happens and I'm right at the back and I lose control and start going so fast that I overtake A and I can't stop and there's a woman in a wheelchair coming towards me and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A is saying just pull back, lean back and I'm screaming I can't I can't. Thank God no one was videoing that. Would have gone viral in about fifteen minutes. After that A stayed behind me and every so often it would happen again. I would reach the top speed, the board would tilt and no matter how much I leaned back I couldn't get it to slow down. I kept screaming 'Babe. It's doing it again. It's doing it again.' To which I got no reply or advice. (apparently he couldn't hear me.......)

We stopped for photos and the instructor immediately came to me to see if I was alright. Yeah that's it go to the runt of the litter. We took some photos in our couples by the duck pond.

         


Then came more trials and tribulations in the form of a steep-ish hill, with a lake on one side, two super narrow bridges and many obstacles to avoid, such as small people, dogs, buggies, trees and fences. I had a couple of close calls but nothing I couldn't handle by screaming and then just avoiding said obstacle. I actually perform quite well under pressure, though I don't think it's something I would want to repeat.

Stressful and scary definitely sum it up nicely. When you get off at the end, your feet feel really weird and painful, like you used all these teeny muscles you didn't even know you had.

I would have been much happier staying on the practice ground the whole time, just going round and round and round. No ducks to dodge, no fear of death. But I did it. I got around in one piece and most importantly so did the general public. I don't think I've been so glad for something to end though, since my surgery last Tuesday. I was more than happy to give the thing back. Bye bye Segway. No more Segway for Helen.

Definitely an experience and more confident people than I would have a great time. If you're a panicker like me then I would probably say.....try something else. Maybe knitting or....writing. Much less people or expensive equipment to harm. He he.

Enjoy the video! It's a good job I don't mind taking the piss out of myself.

Have a great week everyone.