Competitive stair racing and ANGER!!!!!! Bring the violence..........

I'm angry.
Extremely angry.
And it's all the time and nothing seems to quell it. My whole body's tense with it. I'm seething and any tiny little thing just makes me wanna explode.
And the worse thing is, I can't seem to find a reason. I mean, there are many many reasons, but I know deep down there must be a root of the anger, an underlying issue that I can't deal with, or something that pissed me off ten weeks ago and keeps milling around inside. But so far, I'm stumped. I can't figure it out and I'm just left with all this craziness and quite frankly, violent thoughts. Ha ha.

It's of course worse at work. I think everything is worse at work. But I just can't stand to be there at the moment. Everything is ticking me off and I just want to shut myself away from everyone, even at times, the kids. Which is very unusual for me.

Today was made worse by the fact that I had to fill in for the cook. She's on holiday and we've been taking turns but it's really not something I feel comfortable doing. I'm only just about comfortable cooking for 8 of my friends that I've known for years. But cooking for 20 kids and staff and trying not to poison them or stuff it up or make it taste like crap......that's a bit too much for me. This is so far out of my comfort zone, it's ridiculous. I mean, the first five times I made risotto I had hand typed instructions from A. And most of the time I bake from recipes. Even if I know the recipe, I still like to check the text, for comfort, for piece of mind. But this was just, make cous cous and chicken in a nice sauce.

I can't make sauce from scratch! Argh! But actually I did. I'm not sure it was any good but some of the kids were very sweet and kept telling me it was yummy. Even if they didn't mean it, it was very much appreciated!
But what I didn't appreciate was all the looks and the interference from others. "What are you doing with that?" "Why've you done that?" Blah blah blah. I don't enjoy people looking over my shoulder. It's not like I'm gonna burn the freakin' kitchen down. I'm the freakin' oldest person there! And I'm the one with the common sense. But really, ARGH!!!!

That's definitely the words of the day. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's so much more I wanna rant about that, but I think I'm likely to turn any readers I have left, into haters.
So instead, I'm going to rant a little about my afternoon tube journey. Ha ha. Much better.

So I'm at Russell Square tube station and as always I take to the stairs. This guy instead of slipping in behind me, tries to go around me and for some reason I just think, Fuck you, you're not coming past. And so, I go really fast and even shimmy around other people, just so I can get to the bottom before he does. I don't know where the crazy competitive stair race came from. I just knew that I didn't want him to get past me. As we got to the penultimate spiral I felt him hovering behind me, trying to get past on the right side and I just belted down those stairs. I even threw myself in the middle of the staircase to make sure he definitely couldn't get past. Ha! I won and fuck off Mr extremely impatient bastard!

God. What the hell is wrong with me?

Then when I got off at Kings Cross there's this woman trying to shove her kids on as all the tube traffic is trying to get out. I mean, is it that difficult to wait and not use your kids as a battering ram? No? Oh okay, it must just be me then.

And finally, I really hate those people who come and stand right in front of you, when you've clearly been stood there waiting. It's like they don't even see you. It's like they think you're not getting the next tube, you're just standing, enjoying the view, you know the northern line platform northwards, really is a tourist hot spot! Urgh! And not to be in any way sexist, but they're always men and they're always 6ft tall!

ARGH!

Well, I'm not going to be cooking at work, ever again! Unless it's baking with my kids. I could do that till the cows come home. And the plan is to breathe through the rage and try and enjoy my next three days of Halloween planning, culminating in Helen's annual Halloween party on Friday. I have party bags and gifts and games and all sorts. So hopefully that will get me through the rest of the week without doing something I shouldn't.........Must repress violent thoughts. Must repress violent thoughts.

Ha ha. Ah well, chicken thighs and cous cous tonight.....surprisingly similar to what I cooked at work today. In fact, the cous cous is actually left over. So now I can poison A too. Ha!

Vampire Diaries tonight, though I will be savouring it on the ITV player tomorrow as A can't stand it. He says they're all models and they're just pretty and they can't act. And it's not realistic that such as small town on the East coast would be so culturally diverse. And I say...........So? What's the problem? There's Vampires and Werewolves. We're hardly expecting something close to reality. Besides. They are really pretty. Ha.

Oh and something that will also keep me going is the prospect of rockin' out on Friday at the Electric Ballroom with J and T and A on Friday night. Then of course, Saturday night Halloween party at L and D's. Whoop. Oh that just cheered me up thinkin' about it. Awesome! And copious amounts of alcohol. that should definitely quell the anger. He he.

I hope you aren't all angry and bent out of shape lilke me. Have a great week.

Helen